Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I'm so lonesome I could die

I am so blue and lonely tonight, the loneliness is all encompassing and choking me like the pollution at Turnpike Exit 11.
I would sell my soul for someone to hold me tonight, and be with me. This type of loneliness can be fatal, as seen below.

Thomas Chatterton

Hear that lonesome whipoorwill
He sounds to blue to fly
Th midnight train is whining low
I'm so lonesome I could die

I never seen a night, so long
When time go crawlin' by
The moon jest went behind the cloud
I'm so lonesome I could cry

Did you ever see a robin weep
When loved ones begin's to die
That means he lost th one he loved
I'm so lonesome I could cry

The silence of th fallin' star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you 'er
I'm so lonesome I could die


Anonymous said...


Dano MacNamarrah said...


I just rang you, even though it's eleven at night. I saw the tip of your post on my dash and freaked out.

Lovie, it does get terribly lonely sometimes. But mostly that has to do with how we feel about ourselves.

Sometimes I want the comfort of some one spooning with me. But most of the time I understand that I am not the kind of woman that most men want.

I'm also not the kind of woman that wants most men! I have had some amazing lovers, but not a true partner. I am lucky to live with my best friend, who is better than a sister.

Companionship is probably what you want right now. Touch is important, being held is amazing, and both of those combined with a lover is fantastic!

Feel free to call me until midnight tonight, and after nine or ten tomorrow. Ahh, call me anytime! I may have taken my meds at night, so I'll be sloppy.

Sweet Pea, you are more than beyond loved. You cannot see it, due to some mal-function in your brain. Holly is stoked. Me too! And I bet there are a million people who read your blog who love you too.

A small example: Cricket reads my blog. My best friend. But she never comments. Along with other close friends of mine. And I'm just a painter/reader who started to write in April, but I get a few comments.

Shitballs, girl, you are sooo beyond me, which means that you have way more people reading your thoughts, digesting them, invoking them. You are a bloody catalyst, a beacon, a box of fluffies!

Give me a ring, to ask me about the fluffies. That way I'll know you are up and kicking.

And I'm warning you, I'm coming to NJ, so we are going to possibly meet, my love! I'll be in Long Beach Island from Thursday until Sunday. Ring me, my pet.

Stephany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dano MacNamarrah said...

Baby girl,

I posted over at Liz's blog. I left my number, in case she gets hold of you first. I'm worried, petal.

The fact that you are able to write about your feelings is brilliant. I sometimes think that every time you speak about something, it diminishes it by a half-life, like carbon.

Keep writing, keep talking, keep hoping. The more this is in the open, the further the grip of terrible silence has.

Mala50 said...

Just read this entry now, thinking of you -- let us know you are OK.

Sympathy, empathy and a very long hug


Border Life said...

*hugs* <3 BL

Anonymous said...

Like Dano mentioned, I'm one of your readers (you're in my RSS) yet I don't comment often on your blog.

I've meant to, especially because you're a cat person too, and I love there's a pic of your cat in your side bar... and also, my cat is named Cleopatra. She looks different to yours though - there's a pic somewhere on my blog of her.

I know that lonliness so well... in fact I just finished a post where, at the end I pretty much talk about the same thing.

Throughout this entire experience of assault, depression, PTSD and so on.... its been just me for the most part. Sure, I have some brilliant friends but most of them don't live near me. My family isn't a good support. And whilst I have one fantastic local friend, I can't bombard her all the time.

And yeah, I'd really like to be held. Just to cry in someone's arms sometimes... to feel as though I'm protected. That someone's got my back.

I know many of my friends do, as well as the friends I've made online, but the physical, tangible touch of another caring & understanding human. I miss that. I want that. And I haven't had that through this whole thing.

I hear ya. Hang in there. xo

susan said...


((((((((Alison)))))))). Something to be thankful for this year- your health and your new Kidney. You are a Thanksgiving miracle.

@Dano- thank you. i was asleep when you called. I wrote a response to you on your blog, and my 3 am piece is for you.
And the rainbow was taken in NJ! See, somethings are nice in this iccky state!!

@Stephany, i know and i love you muchly.

@Mala, thank you. I left a message on your blog as well. Your puppy story cheered me. Puppies, kittens, natures Happiness pill.

@Border Life- thank you. Hugs back!

@Svasti- thank you. I love your blog, what a nice surprise to read it. it's added to my
RSS feeder now!

Ana said...

I know the feeling.
I'm very sorry about the distance between us.
Perhaps we should at least talk over the phone for a couple of minutes.
It's expensive but at least we could know our voices.
Hope you find peace.

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