Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I had to go to the vet today to check on Holly and sign paperwork for surgery. They don't know what is wrong with her, so they will be X-raying her, doing blood work, and they said they think they need to do surgery.

They are also clipping her front and back claws, and giving her maintance shots that are due next month. (Felv, rabies, distemper).

I signed all the forms no problem, but then the last form threw me. It was a form for DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). I have seen it for people, I had one done this past March for myself. But I never heard of one for a cat, or a dog for that matter. Never.

I asked to sit down and read this form. The vet let me do so, and I read, and thought and just thought. My first instinct was "yes, absolutely", but then I thought of a book about one of my favorite authors, now dead. Raymond Carver, "No Heroics, Please".

I thought of Carver dying of cancer, and my mind was made up. I told them "No Heroics" for my fur baby, let her have dignity. She is almost 9 and I do believe she still has some of her nine lives left.

They let me go in the back to see her. She was in a cage, heavily sedated. She couldn't move her head to see me but her eyes lit up. She had an IV drip in one of her front paws, taped down. Her fur there had been shaved, I guess for the tape. The assistant said she has not eaten in over 12 hours, has not urinated or defecated. She cannot move one of her legs, and snarls and meows if she is touched.

The assistant was optimistic that once she is under anesthesia, they will figure out what is making her so ill. I hope so to. It is heart breaking to see someone you love sick.

She's just a cat. Just a cat. But she is also my best friend and I love her so much.
The apartment is empty without her and I am looking at one of her catnip mousies and her food bowl and tears are rolling down my face onto the keyboard.

Stay Strong Holly. Sweet little fur ball


Not Very Anonymous Mom said...

i agree, she is not "just a cat". she's your cat, your holly. i'm hoping and wishing as hard as i can that she will be ok.

Ana said...

My Nell had a surgery last February, she had cancer.
It hurts like hell Susan and you don't have to blame yourself because you're crying because of an animal.
Nell is also 9 and I cry just thinking that she will not be with me
I 'ill pray for Holly.
A friend of mine had problems with his cat and everything was fine at the end.
I hope the same for Holly.

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Susan,
I felt the same way about my dogs. Murphy died last December of a virulent melanoma, and we had to put Spike down a few months ago, because he was dying (of old age), and he was in terrible pain.

It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. But, the day I decided to have him "put down" was when he had a tear in his eye (I'd never seen that before), and was moaning with pain.

Hopefully, Holly will recover. Those of us who love(d) our pets know what a difficult time this is for you.

Hugs from Los Angeles, and prayers for Holly!


Border Life said...

Warm thoughts to you both. <3 BL

Polar Bear said...

Hope your cat feels better soon. I don't think it's "just a cat". It's more than that I suspect. One of the family. A member of YOUR family.

Sherry said...

Ohmigod, I'm so sorry to hear this. Nope, she's not "just a cat". She's a VIC--Very Important Cat.

My thoughts are with you.

Surgeon in my dreams said...

You and your baby are in my prayers - I understand completely.

Gianna said...

I lost my brother a little over a year ago and now when I think of losing my cat who is 18 years old and frail I fear her death as much as I feared my brothers. There are differences in the quality of pain but not as profound as one might think.

The loss of a pet and the fear of the loss of a pet can be just as traumatizing as losing any loved human being.

So don't worry about how you're feeling...let yourself feel and grieve in any way you need to.

Love to you.

km said...

agreed. she is not "just a cat"

my cat was my rock for 16 years until I had her put to sleep last spring (she had a very large tumor and was in a tremendous amount of pain)

I was single for 15 of our 16 years together and she was such an important part of my life. I think I cried for 2 months. The pain was unbearable, especially the day I made the decision to end her pain.

But life goes on, and now I sit here, a year and a half later staring at the sweetest boy we adopted from a shelter. He had been there 2 years, passed by day after day, watching people buy the kittens. He was in a horrible fight years ago, lost most of teeth, his ear looks funny to most but he is PERFECT in my eyes. He will never replace her but our bond is already strong.

I cannot have children but even if I did/could-the love for a pet is no different in my opinion. I look back at the blogs when I lost her and I can certainly relate--I remember tears dropping on my laptop.

my best to you and holly. i'll be praying for her.

Dano MacNamarrah said...

Baby girl~We just spoke on the phone, but I wanted to add my continued thoughts for you.

Having just made the choice to put Hello Newman down, I know how hard the road that you are on is.

I have had to make the choice more often than I care to think of. But the beauty is, that we are able to help these amazing gifts. We are able to give and receive endless love. We are also able to let them die without pain and with dignity.

I hope that this finds you home with Holly. My mum said to me about the loss of Hello Newman, how wonderful it was that I had such capacity to love.

Cry freely, as it is your pain. Find also the joy, living, having lived and going forth with Holly.

Mala50 said...

Hugs and love and strength Susan darling -- hoping Holly comes through this fine.

Take care of yourself and go gently.


Jazz said...

Thinking positive thoughts for both you and Holly. Hang in there! And no, she is not "just a cat", she is an important part of your life.

Stephany said...
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Patricia said...

Sweetie, I am praying so hard, my mom is praying, everybody I know just about is praying for Holly--and for you. We all love you, and we love Holly. I have reminded Amber that as Holly's guardian angel she must watch over her very carefully and help her to get well again!!!

And no, beautiful sweet Holly is DEFINITELY not "just a cat"!!!! In fact, IMO there is no such thing as "just a cat"--they are our babies, and the love we share is priceless. I know how much you love your girl, and she loves you just as much!

God bless, little Holly girl, get well soon. Your mommy misses you!!!


You know that I am praying for you too--you have been thru so much already, but you made it, and I pray that your beloved Holly does too.

She's a fighter, just like her mama! :-)

Let me know, please, if there is ANYTHING I can do!!!

I love you both!!!

Huge hugs and fervent prayers,

Patricia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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