Saturday, June 27, 2009

Nightmare-The Red Cat Redux

Ten days ago I wrote on a nightmare I had. I wrote it down literally within a minute or two of waking.

It's taken me a few days to think about it, and since I have written about it, I have dreamed about it again, a small red cat in a basket and a binky, that when I picked it up, I was covered in blood.

I think it is on a few levels. A kitten- well, even on days where I don't visit the blogs I want to, I see a blog called "The Daily Kitten". Is there anything cuter in the world than a kitten, or a puppy?

Yes, a baby. A human baby. I think somehow, my brain is responding to my body crying out- after all, I am a woman in her 40's and time is running out on that old Biological Clock. My body is screaming to my brain- "She's got a birthday coming up! She better find someone nice to procreate with fast!"

And another thing I have noticed, once a month, I am like a female cat in heat. Literally wailing for it. Maybe it's my body's reaction to "Hurry up, please, it's time" at the pub, while you finish your pints quickly and wonder if you can sneak another round in before closing time.

And the blood on my hands but not on my mother's? Pretty Freudian stuff. My mother doesn't menstruate anymore. I still do. That has to be it. And feeling like one of Tennyson's Knights in "Idylls", that is me, trying to make closure with the fact you come into this world alone, you leave it alone, and sometimes, you don't get a chance to pass on your DNA. Life was never said to be fair.

The funny thing is, once I realized this, the dream ended. But I still dream of kittehs. I suppose it's better than Cherry Garcia Ice Cream.


bobby mcgee said...

nightmares i do visions of sugar plums here.

susan said...

Thank you Bobby. I am glad someone else understands.

Anonymous said...

I was here reading earlier but I hurt my back/shoulder last night and was in too much pain to actually type a comment. Now all the pain meds and muscle relaxers have my mind a lil loopy. I have taboo dreams all the time. Some of them I can make sense of. Others not so much. Some of them caused by irrational fears I have that I can't control.

Southernbelle said...


Oddly enough, I had a really bad kitty nightmare a couple of nights ago. I had actually written it down here but decided not to--THAT'S how disturbing it was. Let's just say it was horrific and involved kitties...I promise not to torture you with the details since I know you love teh kittehs as much as I do! And I don't want to upset you!!

The ONLY good thing about nightmares is that we wake up from them. :-( I can't think of a single useful purpose they serve, tho.

Hey--didn't you promise me some new photos of my beloved niece Holly??? Pics, I want pics!!!!!

Love to you both--hugs to you and kitty kisses and gentle headbonks to the Striped One!! said...

Funny, we both wrote about our dreams this weekend.

And, like you, I'm currently coming to the conclusion that my bloodline stops here. It's an odd conclusion to come to, yes. It sort of feels like it should be more depressing to me, but I've actually made my peace with it. In fact, to some extent, it's almost a relief. I know now. You know? Now I can say that I know. For a long time I didn't know. I didn't know if I'd be getting married. I didn't know if I'd have kids. But now I know. I know the way other people know that they will. I just know. So that question has been erased. No more wondering, no more torturing myself about it. It's been answered. Now I can actually go ahead with my life. I can plan the rest of my life without with the secure knowledge that it doesn't depend on other possibilities. This is what it will look like from now on. Now I know that.

Anonymous said...

Hi Susan,

I'm glad to hear that the nightmare seems to have disappeared. I had a few after 9/11 and they were awful.


Related Posts with Thumbnails