Sunday, January 13, 2008

Words or amends?

Saturday was another good day. I made myself get out of the bed, where it was nice and cozy, thanks to a new electric blanket. ( Thanks Santa!), washed my hair, went out to get food, had the car washed and put gas in her. 

I got a call to speak at an AA meeting next month. I accepted.

I have been reading the Big Book, something I have not read in a decade or so, and realize that a lot of my bipolar illness is like what I went through in AA to get sober. 

And what drew me to this?

The step where you ask for forgiveness to those you hurt.

I am thinking of that constantly, this last bout which in a sense has been going on since August. And now I have been thinking about making amends to those friends I may have here, that I might have upset. 

It pains me that I might have unintentionally hurt someone because I was too caught up in my own head. 

Am I overreacting, or feeling guilty? Do my friends really need an apology, or is getting better and showing them I can get better and back on track worth more than mere words?


+PHc said...

I'm glad you had a good day. My mother is in AA. I think what I know of the Big Book applies to everyone in different ways.

That's great if you are in a state of being able to show signs of moving forward for yourself, and people your illness hurt also. Maybe if you are able to show the beginnings of some good solid signs of recovery, you could apologize for whatever behavior you're referring to as soon as you can?

I know alcoholism is a disease too, but I"m worried about you thinking behavior you really may have had no control over what-so-ever was somehow your"fault." I think it is different, and you can make amends without taking responsibility in the same way. That is my opinion, and I don't know the situations you're talking about specifically. But I know it's easy to feel guilty about things it seems you "should" be capable of doing - because you ARE capable of doing them when you are doing well. But you don't have a choice about when those times are, other than seeking treatment as best you can = as you are.

I said something about your blog - specifically your "What I Did For Love" post on mine. I hope that's OK. There are some good comments about it there.

Anonymous said...

I think an important thing to remember about this step is that your not to do it if you think harm will come to those you try to make an ammends to. the hard part is figuring out who you'll hurt, and who youll heal. Your family is always a safe bet for healing. old friends on the other part can be tricky.
I'm in NA, part time, lol. I've been trying to stay clean for over a year now. some months I'm succesful, sometimes not. I'm now where new this step, but have been to many groups on this step inparticular... most people will welcome an apology from you... I'd do it if you really think it would help........

George H.

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