Sunday, February 24, 2008

Temporary Back ache.

pulled out my back and couldn't move to lift Holly or put food in her bowls. So she is at mom's and I miss her terribly.It;s not the same without the little girl. I don't feel like blogging and I just don't feel like anything. Anxiety off the chain, because no baby. I cannot walk, or go to the gym because of the bad. back.I wonder if my body plays tricks on me, no back ache but worry about Oncologist, back ache, stop worrying about Oncologist.

Catch 22. She is getting love at mom's but it;s not the same as her sleeping with me.

How can I miss the fuzz ball this much??


Stephany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
susan said...

back ache is better now, on some nice pain pills. Holly came home late last night, so she was only gone for 24 hours.

I missed her.

I see a doc today. Amother one, this time to get blood work from my physical.

jessi said...

Susan, I've been reading the last page of your blog... I read part of the older posts before, but didn't realize there are so many older posts already and now I'm frustrated because there's so many posts and I want to read them ALL!!! (And I don't have the time for it, at least not for a while to come...).

All I can say when I read what you wrote is I want to put my arms around you and hold you, and hold you... and go 'sssshhhssshhhh'. I can so imagine what pain you must be in, not just physical but emotionally as well.

I don't know if it means anything to you, or it could make you scream, too, maybe, but I'm still taking the risk and ask if you have read 'You can heal your life' by Louise Hay. I remember reading it the first time and almost throwing it out the window (come to think of it I think I actually did, threw it out the window of the third floor room that I had in the psychiatry ward I was then staying in - think I bought another copy later on). The things she writes may sound absurd, and yes it's very simplistic but she DOES have a point, basically.
Another source with the same sort of stuff (better, actually) is I love it and it helps me to read that stuff but I am well aware it may make some other people want to throw up. Still I'm just trying to mention anything I can come up with now that could possibly be of support to you now.

Apart from that I really hope that maybe you could find someone to give you reiki. Reiki to me would be the perfect thing for you now. Someone to just sit beside you quietly, put their hands on you and support you both with the reiki energy and their attention.

I may not have been where you have, or where you are now Susan, but my thoughts are with you. I have known times when I thought all was lost, and that nothing was ever going to improve in any way. All I can say is that by now I know I was wrong... And that I no longer have the panic attacks I used to have, that I have really managed to find a place of calm and comfort in myself.

Just shutting up now and sending you (((((((((((huge)))))))))))


Thank you for your blog. I hope you know how special your writing is.


jessi said...

Basically what I meant is 'love yourself'. Let yourself be loved and try to love yourself... (I know that may sound hard, or silly to you, or tough, whatever. I do know.)
That's what L. Hay writes about, and that's what the expanded living site is about. (I dare to recommend the 'learning forum' there and their older newsletters).

I thought it was so very touching what you wrote about that friend and his one wish. Don't be hard on yourself for doing what you did. Just focus if you can for one moment on the fact that someone loves you that much. And he is not the only one.

love, jessi

Anonymous said...

I read a post that is now deleted...did you really break your coccyx?

susan said...

Hairline fracture in one of the tail bones. I took the entry off because it seemed sort of "Poor me". I am also embarressed about it. I also didn't want pain in the tush jokes, which I am getting in real life.

Thank you for asking, anon.

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