Friday, February 29, 2008

ocd/anxiety round one, me zero.

This time it’s not as good. I cannot blog now, everything is too new, too scary.

I don’t believe my meds are working, and Even though I look great, my brain has gotten OCD that makes Mr. Monk look normal.

I don’t know what to do for OCD. I am really at a loss.

Holly is a large part of it. I keep thinking the cat will get out, but I know she won’t. She is under a chair right now playing fort.

But this OCD, now I have to check every pill, count everything in the apartment, make sure nothing is missing. It’s driving me up a tree., I don’t know how people stand it. Add Anxiety to the mix, and I am just waiting for the old skull and crossbones to vaporize over my drink like it does in cartoons.

I cannot eat anything, I am living off cold cereal it’s the only thing I trust right now and I cannot even eat that.

I am afraid to leave the apartment. I don’t know why.

The doctor, if she knew, would put me in the hospital. I don’t want to go there, they don’t seem to help.

I don’t have the energy to get dressed even or brush my hair. This is depression with anxiety combined. Mixed states?

I just want to feel better again. Why do I think it isn’t going to happen???

Because this time it’s been since August, and it’s not getting better .I wish it would .

Addendum: The score is tied. I went out to get groceries since they are expecting snow and bought tuna for the cat and milk mfor me. I did it, and came home and the cat was asleep on the couch.

Iwent out. Ichanged my clothes, and did it. ONE small leap for me, one giant leap to recovery.


Mark said...

Congratulation's on going to the store. I have felt very similar.

Stephany said...
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