Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year/Anno Horribilis

(New Years Revelers in Times Square, NYC, 2008)

As I said in an earlier post, I hate New Year's Eve. With all my heart and all my soul. I find myself curiously depressed, I know what to do, but still it's a day for mostly being in bed, listening to music or talk radio, snuggling with the cat. Dinner will be a hoagie and a rented movie from Redbox. It isn't going to the worst New Years, but it won't be the best .It I think of J- I will get mad. If I think of D- my heart will break.

This really has been my Anno Horribilis- the worst year of my life. It started with 2 stays in a Psychiatric Hospital- one to get a meds adjustment ,and the second longer one ,from suicidal ideation from Remeron. Then 10 days in hospital with Pneumonia in March. Then April and May, and June dealing with a near death reaction to Haldol- which made me spend 5 days in hospital and 3 weeks in a Rehab Hospital. learning how to walk and move my arms again.

I mean to write about it, but I will in a better place.

All I can do now is write to one friend and crawl back into bed, with the striped one and watch the snow. Oh yes, Expected 6-12 inches of the white stuff today.

I wish everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year.

I wish foe Peace on Earth- it seems that several areas of the world right now are in such turmoil, I cannot watch the evening news.

I wish there will be a cure for Cancer, Aids, and a broken heart.

I wish people took better care of their children and pets.

I wish children did not go to bed hungry, or afraid.

I wish next year I had someone to sit on the sofa with me on New Years Eve and give me a proper New Years Kiss.


Anthony said...

I've never understood the hubub over New Year's. Even when I had someone to give me a proper New Year's kiss, it wasn't all that special a day.

I can't get worked up over any holiday (allegedly) that makes so many people (myself included) feel sad, lonely or otherwise outcast from society.

Not that being outside society is always a bad thing - because I've seen society and it isn't always something I want to be a part of - but the overwhelming joy felt by so many over so little is something over which I am in continual amazement.

As for me, I have "Burn After Reading" to watch, a healthy cat, food for dinner and a full bottle of Southern Comfort.
And it won't be snowing here until Friday.


Mary LA said...

Hugs sweetie _ I wish you had someone to give you nimproper kiss! And me there to make you laugh.


Ana said...

I just came to say I love you.
Take good care. Things will get better.

BP Type II Girl said...

i stumbled upon your blog when i was searching for an 80's song "the worst year of my life" by the wild swans. i just started my own blog a couple of weeks ago, chronicling my recent diagnosis with bipolar type II disorder. i'm really glad i found your blog and i feel the same way -- i'm spending new year's with some netflix and a subway sandwich because i can't stand to be around anyone, especially seeing out the end of the worst year of my life. you have a new fan and i wish you all the best in 2009. i'm also really jealous you have a kitty, getting a pet is prohibitively expensive in my apartment complex for someone who just quit their job to get back to sanity...

p.s. is it weird that i have the same layout on my blog?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. New Year's Eve seems designed to make a lot of folks feel unhappy. Personally I am stuck in my home for the next several days at least except for walking my dogs and getting food (wearing a mask to scare folks away) because my white blood cell count went too far down from my anti-rejection drugs. I sort of enjoy in an odd way having doctor's orders to stay away from human beings for a short while :).

I hope that 2009 is as lucky for you as 2008 was for me, I found my second life health wise in October of this year and I hope for you and for me that we will both find new lives in other ways in 2009. Consider yourself hugged.

Gianna said...

I've had a horrible evening contemplating my horrible year...I put up a prayer on my blog for the new year...

may you make those things come true in 2009 as I hope too as well.

Stephany said...

Happy New Year, the best is yet to come! Gotta believe that.

kim said...

i feel the same way about new years.

and i wish for the same things you do.

i hope you have a better 2009 and find more peace. i hope we all do.

Larry said...

We seem to have a theme in our New Year's posts!

I know 2008 was rough for you, Susan. For myself, I bottomed out in 2007 and while 2008 was bad economically for me as it was for everyone, it was a VERY good year for me otherwise:

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