Monday, August 4, 2008

My Kingdom for some Z's.

Richard the III had it wrong. It wasn't a horse he needed, it was sleep.

My kingdom for some sleep.

It's been days, I don't know how long it's been since I slept, I can get 2-3 hours from the Melatonin, but then I am up and cannot fall back.

I never had a problem not sleeping. Even when I was manic. But now-

What sleep does come, comes with nightmares an vivid dreams. Seroquel dreams. But I am not on Seroquel or any other drug to sleep. Just a glass of warm milk and Melatonin.

And I cannot sleep. Instead of flipping to mania, as I should be, I am flipping downward further into melancholy, and past that to the black dog and the despair that comes from existentialism and realization not only is the world absurd, every breath I take makes me tired and I just want to sleep.

The lithium always has a problem with the heat. I sweat more, retain more water and just literally cannot walk in the 100 percent pea soup humidity that is NY/NJ. Add to that I feel cow heavy and irritable from the curse, add heat and stir. One very unhappy camper here.

I wonder if this is how Richard Rouse felt as he had the dubious honor of being the only person to be cooked alive by Henry VIII felt.

No sympathy, I don't want anyone's sympathy. I just wish Autumn would arrive with a cool breeze and I could sleep and feel normal again.

Or win the lottery and go to either Alaska, Greenland or the North Pole and sleep there where it's nice and cold.


Marissa Miller said...

Uck. I hate the uncomfortable weather that comes with summer.

Not Very Anonymous Mom said...

damn i hope you are feeling better soon. i don't know what else to say.

jessi said...

Hang in there.


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