Monday, August 4, 2008

My Kingdom for some Z's.

Richard the III had it wrong. It wasn't a horse he needed, it was sleep.

My kingdom for some sleep.

It's been days, I don't know how long it's been since I slept, I can get 2-3 hours from the Melatonin, but then I am up and cannot fall back.


I never had a problem not sleeping. Even when I was manic. But now-

What sleep does come, comes with nightmares an vivid dreams. Seroquel dreams. But I am not on Seroquel or any other drug to sleep. Just a glass of warm milk and Melatonin.

And I cannot sleep. Instead of flipping to mania, as I should be, I am flipping downward further into melancholy, and past that to the black dog and the despair that comes from existentialism and realization not only is the world absurd, every breath I take makes me tired and I just want to sleep.

The lithium always has a problem with the heat. I sweat more, retain more water and just literally cannot walk in the 100 percent pea soup humidity that is NY/NJ. Add to that I feel cow heavy and irritable from the curse, add heat and stir. One very unhappy camper here.

I wonder if this is how Richard Rouse felt as he had the dubious honor of being the only person to be cooked alive by Henry VIII felt.

No sympathy, I don't want anyone's sympathy. I just wish Autumn would arrive with a cool breeze and I could sleep and feel normal again.

Or win the lottery and go to either Alaska, Greenland or the North Pole and sleep there where it's nice and cold.

3 comments:

Marissa Miller said...

Uck. I hate the uncomfortable weather that comes with summer.

Not Very Anonymous Mom said...

damn i hope you are feeling better soon. i don't know what else to say.
(((susan)))

jessi said...

Hang in there.

jessi

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