Monday, July 19, 2010

Aborted

I posted something today, which I thought was well written and salient, but as a very good friend pointed out, it had flaws in it's research. I should know better, I worked in a news room and I would have been laughed at to submit something to an editor without handing in the footnote/endnotes where I got something with it. Thank you  for pointing this out to me!


In the summertime my brain acts- badly. I don't know how else to say it. Too many years of lithium. I cannot tolerate the heat. I need to  be somewhere cold, like the Penguins of Antarctica. It's been a very hot summer here in NJ, some days it's over 100 - most days. I cannot handle it. My brain acts wonky.... it gets things messed up, I cannot eat, and I cannot sleep. The lack of sleep makes me see things that aren't there, smell things that aren't there and think things that aren't there.  Right now I am not a good daughter, a good friend, a good person. I just need to sleep, I need the weather to get down to 50 degrees.

I think it's best I go on hiatus for a bit before I really get reality messed up with fantasy. Or hurt someone. But - if I am going to have reality messed up with fantasy, can George Clooney cook me dinner?

8 comments:

midnight rainbow said...

I understand your "summer blues". I'm on Lithium also and struggle with the heat and my brain activity seems to really slow down. I've never been much of a summer person anyways, but I feel like I'm in a fog a lot of the time. Hang in there, summer's half over!

Chronic Impending Disaster said...

The heat is pretty killer here in the Midwest as well. I was running the a/c constantly until I got my last electric bill. Now I'm being a little more conservative with it.

Lisa said...

Oh wow! You've reminded me about summer andLithium (which i'm on). Meanwhile am about to set off on a bicycle voyage across town at the hottest time of the day :S My brain does those funky things too - and it really helped me to read your post and remember 'why' this happens to me. Not only do I forget, but those around me as well. Got scared today when partner said eventually it might bother him :( Sometimes its just so hard to accept this illness, I think if i do all the right things I'll be ok, then whammo right back at square one. Keep on keeping on and I am happy to have found your blog. It helps, thank you xx

John Folk-Williams said...

Hi, Susan -

With or without lithium human brains were not meant to function in that dense wet mass of hot air (which I grew up with) so by all means take a break and look after yourself.

I know how much you need it anyway. I left a comment earlier about the terrible loss of your friend - but when I pressed the publish button, the page with your post disappeared and I couldn't find it again. Anyway, I wanted to send my love and support.

So here it is - many hugs. Time to be numb is just as important as time to grieve.

All love -

John

Kristin said...

I just read a post that might help. I am thinking about you sending you a cool breeze.
xx http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/2009/01/25/how-i-deal-with-mental-breakdowns/

Val said...

Heh - George Clooney!

& to think, summer USED to be my favorite season...

I am fighting a vicious backlash of fatigue on this last long tedious week of separation from my son; let's BOTH of us hang in there!

David Stein said...

As everyone else has commented this weather is killer. It went from insanely hot at the beginning of the week to overcast today, and because of this my energy has been zapped all day long. I almost even broke down crying while watching TV yesterday for no reason at all. But I haven't been able to cry in almost a year, the meds have stopped me from doing this.

Well I hope you are able to stay cool and out of the way of this horrid weather.

Dave.

susan said...

@Midnight Rainbow, yes... half over... half over...... then fall. I love fall!

@Chronic.....glad you have AC. Now if you have DC too, you can have a real good party! ;-)

@Lisa, Good luck with that bicycle voyage. Please let us know how you do , and STAY HYDRATED!

@John, thank you... so much. I cannot tell you how much it means to me.

@Kristin, thanks. I hit Gianna's blog like every other day.... so much appreciated. She is awesome.

@Val, I hope you get to see your son soon. Is he in camp?

@Dave, come back to the cyber universe! I miss your blog!

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