I thought about something I learned in AA. I was on the "Pity Pot". This is not a good place to be.
I wiped off the cobwebs, made myself a cup of coffee. Took care of feeding and watering the cat and cleaning her litter box.
I sat down with the coffee, and a note pad. The apartment needed a clean. A good spring clean. I need to do laundry. I need take out the trash. I need to get to the gym.
It was overwhelming. I didn't want to clean, I wanted to go back to bed, but I haven't done it in a bit. I needed to vacuum first of all. I tied my hair up in a pony tail and just did it. Put the cat in the bathroom and did it. Living area, and bedroom. Done. That wasn't so bad.
Dusting. Let the cat out of the bathroom, and just did it. Put the laundry in a laundry bag and left by the front door. Made the bed. Took the laundry to the laundrymat. An hour or so later, home again. Put it all away.
Went to the gym. Stayed for an hour, listening to music on my iPod. Came home and showered, washed hair.
Then I made a huge decision. I went to Weight Watchers for the first time.
Sometimes you need a swift kick in the tush to get moving. I think I've said it before, but what made me stop drinking all those years ago was I woke up in a pool of my own vomit, I had glass embedded in my knee from where a glass shattered. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I went to AA. I stopped drinking.
Yesterday's blog entry had the same effect on me. I was totally shocked. I know things are bad. I really do. I had no idea until I saw it in writing, how bad they are. I was shocked. I didn't like the person who was writing this piece. It hurt me to read it, I can only imagine how a strange must feel.
I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm not going to stop being depressed. It will come and go like the tides for me. I just saw that I was almost at bottom- and bottom if this continued would be death. I don't want that.
So I made a list for tomorrow. I feel good about it, and I feel happy I joined Weight Watchers. I'm sore from the gym. I'll close this out now and take a long soaking bath.
I still feel blue. I just don't feel helpless anymore. I don't feel like I did yesterday. That's saying a lot.