Monday, January 11, 2010

Just Another Manic Monday


Almost Two and a half days without sleep. Well, not quite right. I actually got one whole hour and ten minutes. Wow wee!

I cannot sleep. I toss and turn. I get up, I get out of bed. I make myself a glass of milk, warming it in the microwave. I lie back down in bed, counting sheep.

and in my dreams, they all look like Shaun, from Wallace and Gromit. Cute little guys. Then my bladder acts up, I go to the bathroom to rid the milk, and try to lie down again. To no avail. I turn on the radio to relax- and try the sheep again. Listen to the cat snore. Become one with the universe. Breathe in and out. It's one am.

I am still doing this at four am. I am still doing this at six am. I wake up at seven ten am. I cannot go back to sleep. Unlike most mania, my thoughts aren't racing. But I am sick to my stomach. My head feels like Hannibal's elephants are crossing the Alps in there. Not baby elephant's- big bull elephants, and pregnant elephants. I have a fever of 101, my hands are shaking, my whole body is shaking. If I don't get some sleep, I am going to switch to manic. And, if I go to manic, in the last three years, I will go from hypomanic, to full blown manic, to psychotic. I'm going to think I am Wonder Woman, only I wish I looked as good as Lynda Carter in the leotard, (too short in the leg department) and had a golden lasso to tie up the guy I have a crush on. Wrrrowwwrrr!

I am going to suggest something to put me to sleep, which is, well, not quite kosher. Short of asking someone to take Maxwell's Silver Hammer and gently bop it on my head so I can sleep for 12 hours- I don't use sleeping pills. They knock me out, but I don't stay asleep. I usually get up an hour or so later. Same with Benzos. So I bought some Benedryl. I am very sleepy as I write this. It works in a pinch- when in Rome, no?

But the thing is, it will stop me from going off to mania. And that is the important thing. After suffering from this illness more than half my life, I think I know what to do and what signs to look for. I know I cannot lapse into that- it's caustic and can be deadly. So an ounce of prevention-

And hopefully a good night sleep will happen.


ETA: I GOT SEVEN HOURS OF SLEEP SINCE I PENNED THIS. HURRAY

10 comments:

Mark p.s.2 said...

I go in and out from week to week. I can tell I've changed by my reaction and attention span to a collection of movies I own and re-watch . I suggest going for a walk during daylight hours, manic or depressed. Keeping and following a daily plan-schedule no matter what.

Immi said...

Uh oh, I know what you mean about insomnia triggering mania. I hope you can get some sleep!

BorderlineNOS said...

You are/were running a fever of 101, accompanied by body shakes--this is usually an indication of a virus, infection, or other inflammatory or immune response. I do hope you are feeling better soon.

susan said...

@Mark- I just mostly watch (don't barf) Spongebob, Red Dwarf, and dating shows.... don't know why.
I hope this information means we are still friends.

@Immi- I can get some sleep- I actually did. I even slept through the cat head bonking me! That is amazing! xxx to you and the George my favorite duckie.

@Borderline, back to normal- fever wise anyway. I think it was just my body was thrown off bad from lack of sleep. Take care of yourself. Let me know how the homeless cats do.....

sallyo said...

Yeah for the good sleep! That's something that David also struggles with.

Lili said...

Oh thank goodness. I suffer from insomnia too. Man do I know ALL about the Wonder Woman cycle. Seven hours is excellent.

That is a good deposit in the sleep bank for sure.

Matthew Isaacson said...

I can have trouble sleeping as well. I don't like to be dependent on meds, but I take ambien now, because I missed a few days of work in the Fall due to lack of sleep.

sara said...

oh yes! whenever my sleep slips down to 1-2 hours per night for more then a day or two, my psychiatrist freaks out. I've finally come to accept that she's right and 9 times out of 10 the lack of sleep pushes me right into mania. Now it's basically a sign - when my sleep slips that slow, I push my seroquel (which I use just for sleep) higher until my body stabilizes itself. Usually just getting the sleep back on track is enough to stay stabilized and out of mania.

Cheryl said...

How is taking benedryl to sleep unkosher? Most people don't know that tylenol PM is just tylenol + benedryl. I used to use benedryl some but now I have a giant bottle of meletonin I've been working on for over a year.

susan said...

Cheryl, I didn't know that about Tylenol PM. I guess what I meant by "unkosher" is it's off label for sleeping, but when I asked a pharmacist at my local CVS for something to help me sleep, he pointed out the Benedryl before he went to the Tylenol PM.

I tried Meletonin but it didn't work for me, alas, I really was hoping for it. Tryptophan worked though. NOthing like a turkey sandwich either!

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