Thursday, November 12, 2009

Depression is the inability to construct a future


I wish I had written this. It was actually written by Rollo May.

Anyway, this is how I feel, right now. I am writing for what it's worth, but cannot finish anything and wrap it up in a nice bow for the kind folks who read me. But I cannot. I don't even want to get out of bed, I don't want to eat. I just feel there is no future for me, nothing to look forward to. The only thing comforting right now is the cat, flipping her tail on my hip bone when I try to sleep, or her soft breathing on my arm if I am on the couch. I am not suicidal, I just feel for the first time in my whole life there is no future for me, no dreams, just banal existence.

Nothing is worse than reading the mediocre writings of someone struggling like this. So I am going to take a a few days, maybe a week from the blog, and just turn off the computer. This blog actually has been my raison d'etre for the last two years, but rather than posting cute fixes and taking away from the blog's theme, I am just going to take a few days off from writing and try to find myself and feel better.

One more blogger who gets it is Bitter Animator.  Check out his blog, if you haven't already.

12 comments:

Wendy Love said...

I understand and I will be praying for you....

susan said...

Thank you Wendy. I just really need to decompress.

sallyo said...

Hope you feel better soon! Thoughts and prayers going your way.

Syd said...

I hope that you will feel better. Things can get to be overwhelming at times. I understand that.

Ana said...

Hope you get better Susan!
my prayers go for you.

Maayan Gordon said...

Hello, I am a student at Occidental College and I am training to run the LA Marathon to raise money for cancer research. You can follow my progress on my blog at http://lamarathonrun.blogspot.com/. My goal is to raise $1,500 and I was wondering if you would like to make a pledge. Thanks and have a great day.

Wendy said...

Oh Susan, I so know where you are..
I have been so overwhelmed, I haven't even managed to call you back! Hope you are feeling better soon, and if you have any energy left, drag me along too!
Thanks Susan - You have been doing a fabulous job, I'll be watching for you!!!

Mark p.s.2 said...

When manic, one doesn't care about the quality of ones writing, when depressed I think one is TOO critical. Keep writing in private at least eh?

Mary LA said...

Take care, Susan, I'll miss your posts. You are a wonderful writer.

Anonymous said...

I am doing a project for one of my nursing classes at Clemson University and I was wondering if i could use the picture on depression. Thank you for your consideration

susan said...

sure! It's not mine, it's from Bitter Animator's blog but he gave me permission to use it. As long as you say it's Bitter's picture I don't see why not.

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate.

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