Friday, March 14, 2008

I cannot shake it

I cannot shake these blues. Everything was fine with the doctor yesterday. But I cannot sleep. Or I over sleep. I just want to sleep. What is going on?
Still can not eat, but got a full fridge thanks to my mother.


I just want to go to sleep for a while. I am sorry for my kind readers. I owe you a stellar piece.


I wish my brain would coopererate.

22 comments:

Mark said...

You do know it is most probably withdrawal from the medicines you were taking? Withdrawal pain/discomport is physical plus maybe psychological. drink water and eat some fruits and vegs.

susan said...

Thanks Mark. I am going through Seroquel withdrawal.

Merelyme said...

oh i am so sorry you are feeling poorly. what are some things that usually help through these times?

Anonymous said...

Susan has friends and family that love her. She just needs to ask for help. Don't kid yourselves, people will be there for her, she just needs to reach out and ask for it, which she does not.

Stephany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
susan said...

Anonymous is right but in a way wrong. I don't want to be a burden on my family in real life, I couldn't function without them.My two best friends in real life are mothers of small children, and I don;t want to bother them.

No one understands me but my fellow beepers. So I ask them for help, not my family. Is this wrong? Maybe it is. I don;t kmow. I just don't want to hurt my family.I am sorry you feel that way.

I am scared.

Anonymous said...

The thing is, we can't be there for you in real life. We can just write something here for you, and that's all. We type here-and we don't know if you're ok at all. We don't know if you've eaten, we don't know if you've fallen down in the bathroom and been sick. We aren't there. And you need someone to be physically present.

We don't see you, we don't see how you look, we can't hear your voice on the phone and compare you to what you sounded like on a good day.

You need a human to be with you, you shouldn't be alone. You should have someone to watch over you, ask if you're okay, bring you a hot drink and rub your back. Take you out for a drive or buy you a coffee. It sounds like you have minimal human interaction apart from your doctors and that is so, so sad.

Anonymous said...

And...(I'm the person who made the previous post, not the other anonymous poster of post #4) - a question to post #4. Why does Susan have to ASK for help? Can't somebody just take care of her for a while, just stay with her for a while - her mom, any other friends or family? I can't believe someone took care of her cat because Susan couldn't , but didn't take care of Susan when Susan couldn't.

Stephany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Well, I'll have to take your word for it then, stephany . I hope what you say is right.

Someone I know was diagnosed bipolar, hospitalized multiple times but has now been off meds completely for 6 years. My friend has a very supportive family and has never been told to snap out of it, so I guess different families deal in different ways. My friend's family being with him emotionally and physically over the years has contributed a large amount to his recovery.

jessi said...

Susan, I think once you feel better it'd be good if you cleared up on some of the issues mentioned here. I'd appreciate that, for one. Things like: how bad are you really doing? Is it true, in your case, what Stephany said; 'the blog becomes a space like a diary where we can place our grief, yet in real life we are not as miserable as the blog appears."?

I want to know because I have been making very serious attempts to support you, both here and through e-mail. If things are not 'as bad as they seem' I would feel better.

I'd also feel better if you responded - even if it were just a few words - to the mails I sent...
I do feel that if people try to offer you support and you do not respond, or only minimally, it gets harder for the other person to keep on showing the same interest. Then it becomes a one-way street.

I do know that a depression and the other things you are going through can make it very hard to do ANYthing. Still all I can do is to keep urging you to do try to take the baby steps. Eat something, indeed, take a shower, take a walk and try to respond even if it's just minimally to those offering their care.

I hope you will be getting to feel better. Sending you love,

jessi

jessi said...

And PS...
I tend to take the things you write here very seriously. Maybe as Stephany said you are not as miserable as it seems BUT not eating for a week, - unless that's a metaphor, and in that case like I said please fill me in - IS RATHER SERIOUS in my book.

You may not want to be a burden to your family. Still I would want to ask 'why'. And 'would you really be considered a burden, or is this "in your head"'?
Apart from that I very much agree with second Anonymous' post; we cannot sit by your side, hold you, place a nice meal in front of you much as we might like to, and it DOES sound as if you need that.

I really do feel that if you cannot do those things... get yourself to eat or shower... you may NEED to be in hospital. Also if you really really don't want to be. (Who does).
Even more perhaps, if you don't want to rely on family.

I AM a fellow beeper (though I don't use that term for myself) and I would like you to express how we help you, or how we could help you better.

Love, jessi

Stephany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'm anonymous 2 and I do hope Susan is all right. She usually does respond to comments on her blog pretty regularly so not hearing from her in a couple days (especially since she says she hasn't been eating for a week) worries me.

susan said...

Hi Anon 2...and everyone.


I was at my folks house and pulled out my back.

Thank you for your love and caring. Ill be back in a day or two.

Mark said...

Susan is competent, to suggest a hospital is ridiculous. She is not in danger of death, and I am sure if she was would tell her family or call emergency services for help.

jessi said...

Mark, if SUSAN seconds what you said, I would be happy.

Still to hear of a person not eating for a week, attempting to catch pneumonia, doing nothing but sleep and ask 'is this life' to me are serious signs that more care is needed. Sadly, sometimes only hospital can provide it. It might at least be a change for her to shift into a different gear.

I have no idea how bad Susan's situation really is, you and Stephany seem to say it's not as bad as it seems. Until I hear this from Susan, you will have to excuse me for being concerned and feeling she needs more care than she is able to give herself right now.

jessi

Stephany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jessi said...

I said what I said to support Susan. If anyone does not agree with my mentioning hospital, that is fine, but please do not call me 'ridiculous' or'out of line' and then state that I am the one arguing.

Let's just stick to supporting Susan, each in our own way the best we can.

jessi

jessi said...

I apologize for not being able to refrain myself from posting that last comment. Just know I meant well and there was no intention in me to argue.

jessi

Anonymous said...

Jessi, I would hope everything people say is to support Susan, as she needs is in need of it. To the point of Anon#2 (I am now 3) perhaps her family has tried to help in the past and she has declined, and now they are waiting for her to ask (to Anon #1??) maybe that is why they said that, I don't know. It sounds like, from other posts, that her family (parents, she does not mention siblings) are there to help, which is great. And we are reading and in the blog world, we are there.
Jessi, you and others obviously care, as do I, so it's all good.
Susan, let's hope your meds kick in and if not, you see your pdoc and can get on the right track. We are all pulling for you and get better, feel better soon!!!

susan said...

Thank you all.

We didn;'t know this at the time I wrote this, I was battling pneumonia, then I had a toxic reaction to a anti depressant and almost died.

I am very much alive and doing better, and I thank you all for your concern.

And Mark, please email me. I liked some of the comments you made but there is no email addy to write back to you.

Related Posts with Thumbnails