Sunday, February 7, 2010
In the IOP program which I am currently attending, one of the things that makes the women laugh, are references to the old Richard Dreyfuss, Bill Murray movie "What About Bob?", and the references to "baby steps".
Baby steps have been my life the last week or so. I wrote about a week or so about needing help with my life, and I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love I got. But in the end, I realized I had to "shit or get off the pot". Or as they say in "AA", "Get off the cross, someone else needs the wood".
So it was baby steps for me. One day I dusted the night-table by the bed, and put the books away that were on it. One day I dusted the TV, and the stand it lies on. One day, the floor. One day, swept the kitchen floor, and the cat litter. One day vaccumed the carpets. Baby steps. I am still....still crying, still going to the IOP and barely functioning, but if I do one little thing each day- one small thing to clean, one small thing to get at the grocery store, a couple TV dinners, a small lettuce for a few salads, it's all good. Not what I was when I was high functioning, but baby steps. It's difficult. It's very difficult. But I don't have a choice. I have to get proverbial pot now. I have to get off that cross too.
All that's missing is Gil, the fish. I hope my cat didn't eat him.