Psych Drugs and Foster Kids-ABC News November 30,2011

Diane Sawyer reports on ABC  Nightly News  on the effect of psych drugs given to children in foster care.

The urge to take the blue pill

There's this thin blonde with long legs and an incredibly short mini skirt, five inch black Manolo's, and a Channel bag. The kind of woman that when ever she enters the room every eye turns on her, both male and female. The females all hate her because her clothes and her makeup and hair are impeccable. The men all want - well duh! (This is a G rated blog!)

The tall, dark, handsome, man comes up to her and offers her a drink. She takes it in her perfectly manicured hands. They lock eyes and make small talk. "I'm Elmer T. Fudd, Millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht." 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. 

It's seven am, my alarm clock interrupts my reverie. It's just as well, my beautiful dream was unfolding- what the heck? Elmer Fudd? 

Only in my dreams do I feel pretty and look the way I want to be. Thin and tall. With long legs, like a Rockette's. Men notice me, something that doesn't happen often. Since adolescence I've been cursed with always being the "cute, quirky best friend" of the female protagonist in all the chick lit books and movies. It's fine when you are in your twenties, but when you get older- you want something a bit more. To be top banana. Just once. 

I'm going more and more into dream world. It's safe there. I can be anything I want to be. The world is perfect. There aren't 7 million people crammed together on one planet, it's just me, my Prince Charming, a library in the castle, and of course, some cats and dogs. Everything is beautiful, and nobody gets hurt. 

I don't want to wake. 

I really hate my life right now. Hmm. Hate is a harsh word, let's restate. I dislike my life right now. I miss working, I miss being around people. I'm tired of being tired from the kidney meds and other meds I am on. I'm sleeping 16 hours a day. My brain feels like split pea soup. 

I  can't see a way out of my morass, despite the things I am trying to do to stay out of it. I am getting dressed every day. I do the little hygiene things, brush teeth, brush hair. Remember to shower every day, and wash hair every second. Under normal circumstances, these things make me feel better. Now they don't. I even go to an old standby- a long bath, and a scented candle. Nothing. 

Even a self manicure doesn't ameliorate, despite a beautiful new shade of polish. 

I don't have the energy to go to the gym, but I try to walk. My feet are like lead- I can barely move them. There is nothing physically wrong with them, it takes more energy to move them than I have. Something flickers in my mind- High School chemistry, energy required to move an inanimate object. 

I'm not comfortable being around people anymore. It takes too much effort to do something like smile. The art of desultory conversation is lost. I just want to be invisible. I long for my childhood dreams of being invisible and flying. I hate New Jersey. I can fly anywhere to get out of this hell, despite the fact I have an incredible fear of heights. Somehow in my flying dreams, this is not an issue. 

I know it's depression oriented. I know as I am getting older, my depressive episodes are getting worse and worse, each one a bit more lethal while I am under it. Mania hardly ever comes anymore, my last bit of mania was in February. I despair thinking that each episode will get worse. No silver lining. At least I have my dreams. 

I walk back from the supermarket across the street. Kitty food, and a Subway for dinner. It should be good, I have not eaten in over 24 hours. I feed the cat, change her box, give her some love, and some play. Put the sandwich in the fridge, I'm not that hungry, really. It will keep. I put my pj's back on, tie my hair up in a scrunchie, brush my teeth, wash my face. Back to bed. The sheets feel glorious. The electric blanket gets turned on. I turn out the light, and lie on my back, looking at the sun reflecting on the falling leaves from the bedroom window. The cat comes in and burrows next to me, her breath smelling like Fancy Feast fish. It's a little bit of heaven. I'm still blue, but I'm near dream land. And in my dreams I can be anything or anyone I want to be. It's not the right decision, but for now, it's the only one I want to make. 

Update again on Alison - partial victory?

This entry is guest-written by Adinah Caro-Greene

On Friday, Alison had a neurosurgical consult.  She actually has two aneurysms, and they are going to operate.  Of course, this is very scary, but on the other hand, it feels like a partial victory that they are even treating her medical problems at all.  Thank you all for your calls.

The hospital still refuses to communicate with me.  They just don't call me back at all.  I speak with Alison every day, and today, she said the staff took her food away.  She wants people to call her human rights advocate, Mark Seymour, 540-332-2149 and ask why her food is being taken away, and why she isn't treated humanely.  Mark Seymour has never picked up the phone for me, and never returned my messages.  So many dog-and-pony shows in the mental illness industry.

They will not let Alison sign a medical release, because her brother has her psychiatric POA, and her "friend" has her medical one.  Yet, neither the brother, nor the friend, attend any appointments with her, or even call or write with any frequency.  This is a nightmare.  What good is a POA if they just give doctors carte blanche and don't put any time or effort into respecting people's wishes? My next step, once I get Alison's consent, is going to be to try to have the court remove them, for gross negligence.

If we cannot get the brother or the friend to relinquish POA and appoint others who would respect Alison's autonomy, we may need to turn this into a media blitz, like the Shiavo story.  The normal routes are not going to work, and this kind of treatment needs to be stopped.  Not just for Alison, but for all of us who are psychiatrized, and even those of us who are not yet psychiatrized.  We may have won a small victory, but we haven't won the war.

Action Alert: Petition for Mental Health Systems Rights Advocate Alison Hymes

Western State Hospital, Virginia

Posted on November 6, 2011 by duanesherry| 

From Discover and Recover Blog. Used with permission. 

Alison Hymes has been a strong advocate for human rights in the mental health system.  She now faces the fight of her life.  Please take a moment to read the following petition and add your signature.

From Change.org

Dr. Jack Barber, Western State Hospital, Virginia: Safely Treat Alison Hymes’ Brain Aneurysm, Kidney Damage

VIRGINIA WOMAN’S KIDNEY AILMENTS AND BRAIN ANEURYSM IGNORED BY STATE HEALTH OFFICIALS

Woman in psychiatric hospital now suffers a brain aneurysm, is left untreated and neglected, to face death.

A Virginia woman was locked in irons and chains in August, and driven by state police to Western State Hospital, even though she is accused of no crime. A judge ruled then that Alison Hymes may be committed to the state hospital, citing a lack of insight regarding the amount of water she was drinking.

Doctors placed severe restrictions on her food and water and are treating her kidney disorder as a psychiatric condition.

Alison had a kidney transplant three years ago, after lithium toxicity caused renal failure. Psychiatrists refused to treat her kidney problems, and compounded the issue by prescribing Trilafon, a drug that has clear warnings about dangers to renal function. As a result, she has been having difficulty swallowing and has become physically weak.

A friend and advocate had a chilling prediction that may now prove to be true. “At best, Alison won’t receive any real medical care for her kidney problems,” said Tina, a friend of Alison’s and psychiatric advocate in New York said in August. “At worst, I know there is a very real probability that this confinement and lack of medical care will kill her.”

NOW it is even more urgent. A brain aneurysm has been discovered, and Alison still sits in a psychiatric ward. Her brain aneurysm could well be causing all of her psychiatric symptoms. If the aneurysm bursts, Hymes will suffer a stroke, and ALL of the psychiatric medications Alison is being given, cause an INCREASED RISK OF STROKE. Yet, Alison has been told that her brain aneurysm will not be treated. This is now a matter of life and death, for a woman with disability, perpetuated and caused by an institution that poses to help.

Her case highlights the failure of the Virginia medical system by continuing to ignore legitimate health problems and trying to mask them with psychiatric drugs that worsen her health and hasten her death.

Sign the Petition.

My note: If it seems like I am blogging a lot about Alison Hymes in the last few days, the reason is this. What is happening to her, could happen to anyone. There are a few things in life that really frosts my cupcakes, people who abuse animals, children, or seniors. And people who abuse or take advantage of other people. If anyone I know needs help, I want to help, as much as I can. I hope among hope, that Alison can be out and in a safe place for Thanksgiving. Alison has spent a good part of her life advocating for others. Now she needs help. I would do this willingly for anyone who is a friend or family, and that includes those who follow this blog. Thank you. 

Next Action Step

This post is guest-written by Adinah Caro-Greene
510.495.7608

Alison Hymes, who I wrote about a couple days ago, is having a CAT scan at UVA hospital today.  UVA is the same hospital which nearly killed Alison after they put her on psych drugs after a kidney transplant (when psychiatry destroyed her kidneys and bladder with longterm Lithium use).  The CAT scan is going to monitor the brain aueurysm.  Supposedly, Alison's aneurysm is too small to operate on.  However, WE STILL NEED to ask the doctors at Western State to take her OFF of the psych drugs which cause strokes. 

Alison's treating psychiatrist, Dr. Ann E. Walling has decided that Alison has signs of dementia.  This is patently false. When Alison is not on psychiatric drugs, she sounds sharp as a tack.  When on them, she does sound "out of it".  The logical thing to do, would be to help her taper off, right?  Well, this is psychiatry we're talking about.  Now her doctor wants to add Aricept to Alison's regimen.  Aricept is an Alzheimer's drug.  Fantastic, another drug for her weak system to process.

We still need people to call Jack Barber at:
540-332-8000 (switchboard) and demand why Alison's medical needs aren't being strongly considered.  She should be slowly tapered off the drugs, which she does not want to take, to reduce the risk of the aneurysm bursting and causing stroke.

IN ADDITION:
We need people to CALL Mark Seymour, Alison's Human Rights Advocate at Western State.  His number is 540.332-2149.  Ask why her doctors are refusing to let her sign a medical release for the hospital to talk directly with Alison's friend and advocate, Adinah Caro-Greene.  Insist that Alison be supported to sign that release.  Without the release, Alison's help is seriously blockaded.

This is a major issue.  Those of us with labels, if we're lucky, are going to age.  We are going to have a time when we need real, actual medical help.  This discrimination against the psychiatrically labeled is a threat to our quality of life.

Please circulate and post everywhere.

Alison Hymes' condition is serious! She now has a brain aneurysm.

The Friends and Supporters of Alison Hymes are reaching out to the media to bring light to her serious, life-threatening circumstances. Ms. Hymes spent years as a therapist and advocate for people with mental health issues, and she herself got caught up in the psychiatric system to her own detriment. We are asking for your assistance in bringing her story to the public in hopes of freeing her from Western State Hospital in Staunton, Virginia where she has been committed since August 2011. They are ignoring her dire medical needs and refusing to treat her brain aneurysm.

Thank you,


NOVEMBER 1, 2011

*

VIRGINIA WOMAN'S KIDNEY AILMENTS AND BRAIN ANEURYSM IGNORED BY STATE HEALTH OFFICIALS
*

Woman in psychiatric hospital now suffers a brain aneurysm, is left untreated and neglected, to face death
*

A Virginia woman was locked in irons and chains in August, and driven by state police to Western State Hospital, even though she is accused of no crime. A judge ruled then that Alison Hymes may be committed to the state hospital, citing a lack of insight regarding the amount of water she was drinking.
*

Doctors placed severe restrictions on her food and water and are treating her kidney disorder as a psychiatric condition.
*

Alison had a kidney transplant three years ago, after lithium toxicity caused renal failure. Psychiatrists refused to treat her kidney problems, and compounded the issue by prescribing Trilafon, a drug that has clear warnings about dangers to renal function. As a result, she has been having difficulty swallowing and has become physically weak.
*

A friend and advocate had a chilling prediction that may now prove to be true. "At best, Alison won't receive any real medical care for her kidney problems," said Tina, a friend of Alison's and psychiatric advocate in New York said in August. "At worst, I know there is a very real probability that this confinement and lack of medical care will kill her."
*

NOW it is even more urgent. A brain aneurysm has been discovered, and Alison still sits in a psychiatric ward. Her brain aneurysm could well be causing all of her psychiatric symptoms. If the aneurysm bursts, Hymes will suffer a stroke, and ALL of the psychiatric medications Alison is being given, cause an INCREASED RISK OF STROKE. Yet, Alison has been told that her brain aneurysm will not be treated. This is now a matter of life and death, for a woman with disability, perpetuated and caused by an institution that poses to help.
*

Her case highlights the failure of the Virginia medical system by continuing to ignore legitimate health problems and trying to mask them with psychiatric drugs that worsen her health and hasten her death.


(My note. Alison is a friend of mine, someone who helped me with my own issues of lithium toxicity and subsequent renal failure. She's an accomplished activist, and blogger.  She's not a faceless, human being out there in cyberspace. She is someone I am happy to know, and call her my friend. No one deserves what is happening to her. No one. Please help. 


Numbers to call:

• -Call the Western State Hospital Administrator, Dr. Jack Barber, at 540-332-8000. That is the switchboard for Western State.
• -Ask for Jack Barber’s office. Leave a message with his secretary if he is not available.
• -Demand to know why Alison’s very real medical brain disease (the aneurysm) is not being dealt with. Tell him we are watching, and we won’t stand for this.

Information is also at Gianna Kali's blog today as well.

IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS or QUESTIONS, please contact Adinah Caro-Greene at 510.495.7608.  She is coordinating this campaign.

Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween! My friend Gianna Kali and I both decided to post this picture on our blogs today to celebrate the holiday and our mutual love of all things that are cat. The link to the Cheezeburger site is here.


My cat, Holly is dressing up for the holiday. Here is a picture of her of what she should look like wearing her costume, but she refuses to wear it. She's either going as one of Freya's kitties, or Flavor Flav. This is not Holly, but a cat named Molly who has been around the interwebs for about 15 years, and is now at TRB. (I apologize to those who thought this was actually Holly. I could never get her to pose that still for anything unless she is sleeping).

On a serious note, please keep your pets inside if they get spooked by the doorbell, and never feed a dog chocolate.

On My 4th Blogging Anniversary

Last week was my blogging anniversary. Four years. Amazing. Four years! I made a little cupcake for myself, and blew out the candle. Then, between bites of decadent chocolate and double chocolate frosting, along with a glass of ice cold milk, I thought about things I have learned since I started blogging. The mistakes I made. In other words, the good, the bad and the ugly.

If I had to do it again, I would have never used my name. I thought by using my real name, Susan, I was ok, because I didn't mention my surname. I kept that hidden and only told a few people I trusted online with it. So far so good. Then I made a mistake. A huge one. On the advise of a fellow blogger who encouraged me to open a Facebook account, I linked my blog to my profile. Only my profile had my name on it. My real surname. I didn't catch it for several months, but by then, the damage was done. Quick readers who followed me onto Facebook now knew my surname. And even though I have a very common name in the NYC Tri-State area, people found me. People I didn't want to find me, like state workers, local hospitals, and local doctors. Not to mention my family. Now it seemed that everyone knew me. Again, I didn't think this was a bad thing, until I quit my psychiatrist that I had since 1999 back in 2007. When I was shopping around for a p-doc, none of the ones I contacted would touch me. Why? Because a quick Google search with my name brought up this blog, and none of them wanted me as a client. I can't say I blame them. But it was a huge error on my part.

Even worse was my candor. When I started blogging, I had several friends, other bloggers who were encouraging me to write my thoughts while I was dealing with a very bad break up. "Write like therapy" they all said in so many different words. "You can really write. Do it".
So I did. I was open and honest. I looked around at other bloggers and noticed one thing. There was a dearth of 40 something bloggers who had been in the system for twenty years or more. More than half their lives! Most of the bloggers seemed to be newly diagnosed, or parents of a child that was diagnosed. Or they were former/active journalists writing objectively on the industry.

I figured I would write that blog- imagine a "Bell Jar" written by a woman in her mid forties who has been living with everything for over twenty years. That was my goal. To some degree, I think I succeeded, and in other words I failed. Some people told me I was such a good writer they found it hard to read me without Cliff notes! Others told me, I was pulling a James Frey on them-I couldn't have lived what I was writing about. No- everything was true- only the names were changed to protect the innocent, as they say in "Dragnet".

I made a mistake in thinking I needed to blog every day, or every other day. When one piece was brilliant, I made a fluff piece if I felt I had to keep up. The fluff pieces hurt me.

I also made a mistake in writing about NJ health issues. They have a place. What I need to do is fix my blog so one part will just be my biographical stories, one part will be on taking care of yourself and healing , and another news stories. I need to make tabs. The way my blog is now- everything is a mis mash. I really need to learn tools to clean it up. So it's not a mistake- it's just something I don't know about and need to fix so I don't confuse readers, or people who stumble in. Right now, when you visit, you don't know if you are going to get a bio piece, or a news piece. It has to be clearer.

I think one of the biggest mistakes I made was with my writing, period. When I first started blogging, I was writing for myself. I didn't know who was reading me. Along the way, I got into thinking- "I gotta have good stats. I have to have a lot of followers. I want to be the best blog out there". It made me loose my focus. I became overwhelmed with stats, and wondering what I should write to please people. There was a mistake. I wasn't writing for myself anymore. All of a sudden, hits disappeared. Comments were few. I didn't know what I was doing. I had lost *me*.

If you are a new blogger, the biggest advise I can give you is don't compare yourself to others. You are unique. So is your blog. Just like there will always be someone who is prettier than you, smarter than you, richer than you, thinner than you- the same rules apply for blogs. There will always be a blog that is better than yours. Do you like your blog? That's all that matters. If you see a layout on someone elses blog, copy it. I would love to have a blog with three columns instead of two, and tabs in the front. I don't know how to do it, but I am willing to learn. Always be willing to learn. A blog is a living thing, a work in progress.

Read other people's blogs. I love reading blogs that are from people I agree with, but the ones I get more from are the ones from people I disagree with. I learn from those.

I'm still learning. I'm still trying to write. It's harder now than when I first started, because in the last year my physical health really took a tumble. I do write, but I carefully edit. I have pages and pages of blog entries, all half written, all not good enough to post. I'm working on quality not quantity right now. I'm trying to get some work as a writer. It doesn't have to pay, I just want to get my chops back and gather a portfolio. Mine is years out of date.

My goal for the next year- keep writing. Keep learning from others. Don't stop. Don't let the little things bother you, and don't compare myself to others. There is only one me. I want to think I am like a fine wine- I am getting better with age.

I look forward to another year with all of you. Thank you to those who regular read me, and those who pop in once, read a few pieces and leave. I am grateful for each and every one of you. I may not be a great correspondent, but you can always reach me, (and the cat) at Hollythecat at Gmail.

Rerun:How I am staying alive while my brain is trying to kill me-part two

(This is part two to a piece I wrote back in January 2010. I'm not in this place now, but I have a real bad cold and some problems with my kidney meds, so I thought I would re-run another oldie but a goodie. I repeat-I'm not suicidal. I'm ok.) 

So I am still in the same place as I was when I wrote the earlier piece, but I decided, let me sit down and write a "Bucket List", something to keep me going, things I still want see or do, when my brain clears. I didn't think I could think of anything, but surprisingly, there are a few things I still want to do, and I would like to share them with you...

In no particular order.

1. I would like to believe life can be beautiful again.

2. I would like to know that love exists- and real great sex can exist too. And that I can find a guy who really, really knows how to kiss......

3. I would like to spend New Year's Eve in Times Square.

4. I would like to spend Bloomsday in Dublin.

5. I would like to see London again. I would also like to see York again.

6. I would like to really get my writing groove back so I can get my novel polished and published. By a real publisher, not by a vanity press.

7. I would like to have a house so I can have a dog.

8. I would like to have friends again, and to be a good friend.... that is the important thing.

9. I would like to find Serenity again, and just peace with knowing my brain is different, whether I was born different, or made different with a lifetime of medication- my brain is shattered and damaged, and I just have to be gentle with it an accept it. My problem is I don't accept it, I want to be the girl I was eight years ago before the damage started and I miss that girl and I long to be that girl, the girl who had a job, the girl who had friends....I have to stop mourning, cause if I don't I will be like Queen Victoria who wore black and mourned and spent her whole life in mourning after Albert died. And that isn't living, and I am not in a position where I can have PM's no matter how capable, live my life for me.

10. I am sure there are other things, other places to see, I just cannot think of them right now.

Rerun:How I Stayed Alive While My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me

(I am working on two writing projects, and going through a blue patch. So I thought it would be time to repost an oldie but a goodie. This is an older piece, I am at present, sleeping seven hours a night, and not in the black place. This was originally written in January 2010)

I am currently on two anti-depressants with black box warnings. And for the last three days, all I can think about is suicide. Namely, just crawling into bed, and stop breathing. Just not existing anymore. Yes, I know some how there might actually be people who will give a damn if I go-like my parents, but I just don't care, my brain is teasing me like the Sirens sang to Homer until he chained himself to the mast so he couldn't hear them.

The last time I actually got any sleep was Wednesday night/ Thursday morning, since then, I have been averaging about two hours a night. Not good. Mild hallucinations, both visual and audible. I begged the pdoc for something to make me sleep. Nothing doing, he doubled one of the anti-depressants. I told him the anti-depressants are making me manic. I don't know what to do. If this continues, I am scared to death I will go to the hospital.

It's a pretty hospital from the outside. It's just not nice from the inside, I cannot have my panda bear, my clothes I want...

a picture of my girl, a radio, my ipod, my cell phone. nothing......the only time I will be allowed outside after a one or two day hold- will be to smoke..... they will confiscate any shampoo, conditioners, sanitary napkins, or tampons, hairbrushes, toothbrushes, toothpastes, makeup, soap, the whole thing is ridiculous. It's like going to jail, not a hospital.  No watches. No jewelry allowed cept a wedding band. I couldn't even have a scrunchie the last time I was in there, and my hair fell all over my face and into my food.

Speaking of food, since Monday til Friday I lost 6 pounds cause I cannot eat. I am living on Gatorade, I just cannot eat. I am not complaining about the weight loss, but that's a lot of weight to loose in five days,

The idea of being separated from Holly is too much to bear. She sleeps with me. When I write she lies next to me, on my right side or my left side, purring softly. When I look up, I see her. She knows I am depressed, when I take a bath to sooth me, she goes in the tub with me, balancing as like an Olympic gymnast as she puts her tail in the bath water. Right now I am on the couch watching "Cops" and she is by my side, half awake, no doubt thinking 'how stupid humans are".

We have been on the couch all afternoon, watching a marathon of one of my favorite sitcoms, "Arrested Development". Normally the show would have me laughing out loud, but I cannot. I had the San Diego Panda Cam open so I could watch baby Son of Cloud and his mom frolic, and it wasn't cheering me. The thoughts of death- my death, keep going through my head, and the only thing stopping me is, NO ONE, not even the people I would leave Holly to, would love her and care for her as much as I do. I have to buck it up, and get better for the striped one. For my readers. For my family, my friends. And for the most helpless, she who needs me to open the tuna.

So I keep breathing, deep breathing. I think of "Everybody Hurts", the good version, the one by R.E.M. Just think there are people worse off then you, and it's the voices in your head making you think this way. Breathe, keep breathing, relax, chillax, and as long as you keep breathing, you aren't dead. And as long as you keep breathing, you cannot go into the hospital. And you can get better.

It's an uphill climb. But you've done it so many times before. By now it should be second nature.