So I am still in the same place as I was when I wrote the earlier piece, but I decided, let me sit down and write a "Bucket List", something to keep me going, things I still want see or do, when my brain clears. I didn't think I could think of anything, but surprisingly, there are a few things I still want to do, and I would like to share them with you...
In no particular order.
1. I would like to believe life can be beautiful again.
2. I would like to know that love exists- and real great sex can exist too. And that I can find a guy who really, really knows how to kiss......
3. I would like to spend New Year's Eve in Times Square.
4. I would like to spend Bloomsday in Dublin.
5. I would like to see London again. I would also like to see York again.
6. I would like to really get my writing groove back so I can get my novel polished and published. By a real publisher, not by a vanity press.
7. I would like to have a house so I can have a dog.
8. I would like to have friends again, and to be a good friend.... that is the important thing.
9. I would like to find Serenity again, and just peace with knowing my brain is different, whether I was born different, or made different with a lifetime of medication- my brain is shattered and damaged, and I just have to be gentle with it an accept it. My problem is I don't accept it, I want to be the girl I was eight years ago before the damage started and I miss that girl and I long to be that girl, the girl who had a job, the girl who had friends....I have to stop mourning, cause if I don't I will be like Queen Victoria who wore black and mourned and spent her whole life in mourning after Albert died. And that isn't living, and I am not in a position where I can have PM's no matter how capable, live my life for me.
10. I am sure there are other things, other places to see, I just cannot think of them right now.