Thursday, July 30, 2009

Headache gone, what remains is worse......

The Migraine left about half hour ago. i got some tea, toast and marmalade down, and now......

Now comes the suicidal ideation and the existential despair. Of course, it's night. it's the type of thing, nestled with an anxiety attack that makes grown men want to eat their guns, instead of steak for dinner.

it's 95 degrees in my apartment, even with the air on, I've been dealing with brownouts all day. I shall turn off the computer, go take an ice cold bath, and then lie on top of my bed, in my birthday suit and dream of Antarctica. Or the North Pole. Santa baby, bring me a nice cold blast of air.........

I will turn on the radio, snuggle up with my panda bear, and pray for the morning, for the ideation to go the way of an Edsel. To stay safe, I will count from 1-100 and then backwards. I will try to recall all 600 and so muscles in my body, all 200 and so bones. If the cat decides to come in and lie near me, I will listen to her breathe, her purr, and just feel the touch of her fur on my skin. I can think of good times, like my first real kiss, or the first time I fell in love.

Or I wonder how much it costs to go to the North Pole. Maybe Santa could use another elf or two.

migraine today

I have 2 articles that need finishing, but, i woke up with a migraine today. i can barely see, move my head. Vomiting. It feels like needles are being driven into my brain and eyes.

it's not getting better, so I am taking the day off. I thought today would be better since it's slightly cooler, since we had a tornado touch down last night.

Oh yes. i do have an ice pack on my forehead.

Oh well. The next piece will be on Mania and a certain Seinfeld episode.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I will miss you, dear Cookie Dough

I had a piece for this evening, but I learned tonight that Cookie Dough, the 5 year old bunny of David and Theresa M, has gone to the Rainbow Bridge.

So in memory of dear Cookie Dough, i offer this picture which was featured on The Daily Bunny on June 6, 2009. I will miss you, my fur friend.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Hell On Earth

Taken from Forgotten Photography, a web site that lists all the state owned psychiatric hospitals in the US.

This hospital might look lovely, but.... I spent 4 days here once. It's hell.

Monday, July 27, 2009

I'm bipolar, what are you???

I just took this quiz. i guess that settles that.......... what are you?

You Are 100% Bipolar

You have some serious ups and downs, maybe to the point of endangering your own life.

Consult a doctor to see if you may truly have bipolar disorder.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Simon and Garfunkel and Arthur C. Clarke and Kubrick

I'm empty and aching and I dont know why

stayed up til 4 am last night watching '2001'. Very worried about the thing that hit Jupiter, and the big black spot now.

I wonder if it's a monolith. Or maybe a tomb for Stanley Kubrick, and Arthur Clarke, and Dave Bowman.

It's been 2 days since i slept. I need sleep.

Friday, July 24, 2009

We will miss you, Gidget

For those who haven't heard, Gidget died yesterday. Gidget was most famous for being the spokesman for the Taco Bell Chain of restaurants.

Below is a picture of Gidget, and a memorial from Conan O'Brien, which is a hoot. RIP Gidget, at the Rainbow Bridge. May you have all the tacos, burritos and chalupas you can eat.

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Philosophical Quandary

Do you take the red pill or the blue pill- but what do you do if the blue pill is Viagra?

As for me, I take Keanu Reeves. He and I share a birthday.

ETA: According to the Washington Examiner today- President Obama doesn't know what pill to take either. Red or Blue. from the paper-

f there's a blue pill and a red pill, and the blue pill is half the price of the red pill and works just as well, why not pay half price for the thing that's going to make you well?" -- President Obama

In last night's press conference, President Obama seemed to be reliving that famous scene from The Matrix. The main character is offered a choice between a red pill that makes him see reality for what it is, and a blue pill that allows him to continue living in a pleasant world of illusions.

Last night, President Obama appeared to have taken the blue pill before his press conference.

Virginia Tech Metal Health Records

Leave it to Liz Spikol, to find this gem. Liz writes

Coming soon to a headline near you: The mental health records of Virginia Tech Seung-Hui Cho, who killed 32 people before turning the gun on himself. (That number still stuns me.) Apparently, a worker at the counseling center had taken the records home — I’m guessing to protect someone. And for whatever reason, they’ve just been located now by lawyers working on a civil lawsuit against the university.

Then Liz quotes the Associated Press Story-

Kaine said the records would be released as soon as possible. Lawyers in a civil lawsuit found the records in the possession of a former worker at the counseling center.

The governor said taking confidential records from the counseling center was illegal and state police were investigating how the records disappeared.

He said officials first would ask the administrator of Cho’s estate to release the files. A second option was to subpoena the records.

He also said he was not happy that the criminal investigation of the shootings failed to uncover the files.

While a large part of the shooting investigation focused on how university officials and law enforcement responded following the first reports of shootings in a Virginia Tech dormitory, family members of the victims have also inquired about how the troubled Cho slipped through the cracks at university counseling.

In April, on the second anniversary of the shootings, families of two slain students sued the state, the school and its counseling center, several top university officials and a local mental health agency, claiming gross negligence in the chain of events that allowed Cho to commit his killing spree.

The lawsuits also claim a local health center where Cho had gone to say he felt suicidal did not adequately treat or monitor him. The status of the lawsuit was not immediately known.

Holly Sherman, whose daughter Leslie was among those killed, said in November that she was less concerned with continued analysis of how university officials responded to the massacre and more interested in learning about Cho’s mental treatment.

Mike White, whose daughter Nicole was killed, said in November he was concerned about why Cho’s mental records went missing.

Andrew Goddard, whose son Colin was shot four times but survived, said there was more work to be done on mental health services. Goddard was appointed last year to the state board of Mental Health, Mental Retardation and Substance Abuse Services.

The sad thing about this tragedy is several people, playing Monday Morning Quarterback realized Cho was a ticking time bomb. First of all, how he was able to purchase a gun is way beyond me, but also his family and his teachers should have put the red flags together before any destruction was done. But then, it's always easy being a Monday Morning Quarterback.

Monday, July 20, 2009

It's the anniversary of the moon landing!

From my personal favorites around the blogosphere....

From Bitter Animator at My Medicated Cartoon Life

It wasn't Neil Armstrong, it was a mancat! From House of the Mostly Black Cats

"Look at those pictures, Wow!", Walter Cronkite on the Apollo 11 moon landing.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Good Night, Uncle Walter

It's pouring rain and lightning here, but I had to get on the computer- why- to say Good NIght to Walter Cronkite who passed away an hour ago at the age of 92.

Cronkite is probably the most familiar American TV newsman from the last Century. It was his evening news shows that I watched every night as a girl and a teenager, with my parents and sister. It was he who told me about the Vietnam War every night, men landing on the moon, Watergate and Nixon resigning. In 81 he retired from CBS news, and Dan Rather came in. Personally, I thought Dan Rather couldn't hold a candle to Cronkite.

One very good obit is here, from CBS, no doubt, as the weekend continues, more and more praises will come in to him, deservedly, and what he did for American journalism.

Back when I was 8th grade, our class went to Washington DC. While touring the Smithsonian, they showed two tapes of Cronkite's = which were among his most famous up to that point in time. His announcement to the world, that JFK had just died in Dallas. He takes off his glasses, and breaking one of the unwritten laws about journalism, wipes away a tear, clearly in shock. The other tape was that of his first 30 minute broadcast of the evening news. I won't tell the date- but it was on my first birthday.

Thank you for the memories.

(Photo courtesy Drudge Report)

ETA; Anthony, at My Sick Mind has a wonderful obit here. It's worth reading,

something cute for the weekend

For all my readers- and cat friends, enjoy.

Sometimes Recovering is so damn hard

I was eating supper the other night, just like I have almost every night of my life. Meat, veg, glass of ice tea. The cat was on the other side of the table, tail occasionally wacking my face, or going into my food. Just a regular night....

Then a loud crash. Puss went easily 3 feet in the air with a hiss and a snarl, and ran away, most likely to go under the bed in terror. I looked down, and there was my food, my tea, all over the floor. The table had collapsed, one of it's legs had gave way, and there were two shiny gold colored screws near the leg. I looked down, and felt overwhelmed. I cleaned up the dinner, now unsalvageable, mopped up the tea, and placed the table on it's side. Moved the chairs up against the wall.
Then picked up the mail from the table, threw out several magazines that were covered wet with tea, and.... and...

cried. I walked into the bedroom, and just...tried to sleep .Staying in bed for the next four days, leaving only to feed, and water kitty, change her box....I couldn't eat. i was overwhelmed. I missed my meds dose- I was overwhelmed. Meanwhile things got worse and worse, the garbage bag in the kitchen had attracted flying bugs that were flying around different rooms of my apartment. There was no food in the house. I was living on ice tea, Gatorade and toast, when I realized I missed a dose of my meds. I went 3 days without sleep, lying in bed, listening to the radio or my ipod-even the cat's purrsonality had changed where she wanted nothing to do with me. It was hotter than Hades, in the 90's, and I realized I needed help and quickly.

Getting out of my old sweats was near to impossible. But I did. Brushed my hair and my teeth, took the trash out, sprayed off all the bugs, went to the grocery store, bought some food, and got refills on my meds. Started to feel better. Two hours later took a long cold bath, washed my hair.

The whole time was difficult. It's hard to explain, but this was incredibly hard for me to do. And it made me realize,, as I sit down to write, is I am realizing I cannot live by myself too much longer. i really feel I need someone to help, to keep me in an even keel. I have gone through the worst depression I have had in almost 13 years, and yes, I am still alive, but barely. But it seems to me that since my relationship ended, I really have been battling depression and have been increasingly hard to take care of my self.

What does that mean for me? A group home? A nursing home? I hope not, I am way too young for the latter. I just don't know what I need to help me in my recovery. It has to be from me first and formost, but I am realizing that it also takes a village to have a successful recovery. I just need to figure out how this applies to me.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

And here's one from today's Onion!

From Today's Onion.

CORAL SPRINGS, FL—Mike Oakland, 29, told reporters Monday he is not about to pay $100 to have his 5-month-old cat, Mowgli, neutered, because he has no expectations that the dull, paunchy tabby will ever get laid.

"For all he's going to use those balls, he might as well keep them," said Oakland, adding that he'd bet anyone any amount of money that the striped kitten will die a virgin. "He never leaves the house, and I've seen how the neighbor cat looks at him. Completely platonic." When reached for comment, a spokesperson from the Florida Humane Society reiterated that it's important to have all pets spayed or neutered, even ugly lame-o's who probably couldn't score in a roomful of calicos in heat.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hell on Earth

The other night I pulled out Dante and started to read.Dante is not a good choice to read if you are in a crippling depressive episode.

Crippling yes. Getting out of bed is pure torture, unless it is to use the bathroom. Talking on the phone is like a canary in a coal mine clutching for air.

I can barely walk to the kitchen to change the cat box and put more kibble in her bowl, and give her a fresh bowl of cold ice water.

Crawl back to bed, hold stuffed animal tight and wait- for what? Death?

Because I could not stop for death
He kindly stopped for me.

Yeah right. He's stopping for me. Thanks Emily. Even Dante, with his wood of suicides and the birds pecking seems better than this. At least the birds aren't pooping on you too.

I just want to stay alive and if it means bed, unable to move, so be it. It will either pass, or. or... or....

I will be taking a dirt bath next to my grandparents in the family plot. Nice cemetery, but the plot faces Bloomies. That sounds like hell to me. I wonder what Dante would think of that.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

My First Meme

I was tagged by the the amazing Bitter Animator for this alphabet meme. Here goes!

A – Age: It's not nice to ask a lady her age. 40 something. Dunno. Birthday coming up.

B – Bed Size: Full size. Large enough for the cat and i to slumber, and her favorite stuffed animal as well.

C – Chore you hate: Housework. I am the antithesis of Martha Stewart

D – Dog’s name: I don't have a dog, but if I did his name would be "Barkis", as in 'Barkis is willing".

E – Essential start your day item: Ice tea or Diet Coke with lots of ice.

F – Favorite colour: Right now, orange or yellow.

G – Gold or Silver: Silver. .

H – Height: 5' 0""

I – Instruments you play(ed): Clarinet, Alto Clarinet (think of the clarinet in the movie "Heaven Can Wait") and Soprano Clarinet.

J – Job title: Unemployed.

K – Kid(s): None

L – Living arrangements: A one bedroom apartment.

M – Mom’s name: Mom.

N – Nicknames: Oh gosh. In Jr. High I was called "Georgette". From a character in the old Mary Tyler Moore Show. No nicknames since.

O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Tonsils removed at 4 years of age. Tonsils removed again in 7th grade. (They grew back). Wisdom teeth removed in 8th grade. Lyme's disease at 22. Pneumonia last year. Adverse reaction to Haldol last year as well which almost killed me ( I did flat line).

P – Pet Peeve: New Jersey drivers on the Parkway and Turnpike.

Q – Quote from a movie: "I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that". "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."

R – Right or left handed: Right.

S – Sports: Baseball couch potato.

T – Time you wake up: 8 am

U- Underwear: Umm, Victoria Secret from when I worked, some plain stuff from Target.

V – Vegetable you dislike: Brussel Sprouts.

W – Ways you run late: From NJ drivers on the road and looky loos driving to slow. Man, I hate driving.

X – X-rays you’ve had: One for my wrist when I broke it. Several MRI's of my brain, CAT scans, and what not. Oh yeah, my teeth.

Y – Yummy food you make: Spaghetti with meat sauce.

Z – Zoo favorite: Pandas, Polar bears, tigers. No line in the ladies room.

Now the hard part. I have to tag a few people. So I tag, Gianna, Stephany, Ana, and Mark. Or if you liked this meme and I didn't tag you, consider your self tagged and place it on your blog.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Complete Smoking Ban starts at NJ Psychiatric Facilities

Today's (NJ) Newark Star Ledger has a piece up, stating that

Beginning today, smoking will be banned in all areas of the Greystone Park and Ancora psychiatric hospitals, with similar bans to follow at three other state psychiatric facilities, Human Services Commissioner Jennifer Velez said.

Smoking already is forbidden inside state psychiatric hospitals. The measure extends the ban to outdoor areas and affects patients, employees and visitors.

I would like to know what genius convinced Governor Corzine this is a good thing. They sure as hell didn't ask me. I have been i private and public hospitals- and what do you do in them? You smoke. Like Eliot's Prufrock measuring his life by tea spoons, you measure the hours by cigarette breaks.

The article goes on...

The ban comes 15 months after Gov. Jon Corzine signed legislation that divided the state's mental health community; proponents praised the health benefits for patients while opponents said the ban it violates patients' civil rights.

"This initiative mirrors what is being done at hospitals, medical centers and corporations throughout the country and supports the Division of Mental Health Services' efforts to embrace a system which focuses on wellness and recovery," Velez said.

Deputy Human Services Commissioner Kevin Martone cited a national study from 2006 that showed people with mental illness live an average of 25 years less than the general population. Some 75 percent are estimated to be addicted to nicotine, contributing to the premature death, the study found.

"That's not acceptable. Our intent is to increase the life-spans of our patients, not to shorten them," Martone said. "As providers of health care, our state psychiatric hospitals should treat the illness, whether it is schizophrenia, nicotine dependence or high blood pressure.

Mr. Martone- with all due respect, since I know you by one degree of separation- The last time I was in a hospital, the smokers were going off the wall, craving their cigarettes. The nurses were giving them patches, but the thing is about a patch, you want something to hold in your fingers, to put in your mouth, to shake into an ashtray, to grind the butt down. It's not just the process of lighting the cigarette, putting it to your lips and inhaling, it's everything.

Take it away from people in psychiatric hospitals, what do you get? A bunch of unhappy smokers who are forced against their will to wear patches and crave a cigarette. They get unhappy. They snap at the doctors, and nurses. They are miserable, crabby, and just not pleasant to be around.

And you mention high blood pressure. How many psychiatric drugs increase blood pressure? Have you looked? If I had a choice between a pill like, say Zyprexa,and a Marlboro, guess which one I would take?

Article continues.... one for, one against, standard stuff, but worth reading. Especially this quote by Carolyn Beauchamp, the President of the Mental Health Association in NJ.

These are not regular hospitals. Many of these people are not there by choice but are committed against their wills, sometimes for long periods of time'' Carolyn Beauchamp, president of the Mental Health Association in New Jersey, said last night.

"We're not in favor of smoking, but we think in these particular settings there should be some different standards that consider the rights and needs of these patients," she said.

You know, it's come a long way since my first stay in a hospital , where everyone smoked in the day room. Now it's outside, one cigarette an hour, with the staff lightning them for the patients. But it's still better than nothing.

Why do I feel so strongly about this? Because I found out one or two cigarettes a week quiets my brain better than most of the drugs I have been on. When I am suffering from suicidal ideation, smoking is the only thing that can get me out of that.

I shudder to think what will happen if I am hospitalized again, and cannot smoke. They better have chocolate. Lots of it.

Ancora State Hospital, NJ, From the Newark Star Ledger

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

And now for something completely different

Something to make you smile, while the world today mourns Michael Jackson.

She always makes me smile. RIP Michael.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Last Words from some pretty interesting people


Thomas Jefferson--still survives...
~~ John Adams, US President, d. July 4, 1826
(Actually, Jefferson had died earlier that same day.)

This is the last of earth! I am content.
~~ John Quincy Adams, US President, d. February 21, 1848

See in what peace a Christian can die.
~~ Joseph Addison, writer, d. June 17, 1719

Is it not meningitis?
~~ Louisa M. Alcott, writer, d. 1888

Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well--let 'em wait.
In response to an attending doctor who attempted to comfort him by saying, "General, I fear the angels are waiting for you."
~~ Ethan Allen, American Revolutionary general, d. 1789

Am I dying or is this my birthday?
When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside.
~~ Lady Nancy Astor, d. 1964

Nothing, but death.
When asked by her sister, Cassandra, if there was anything she wanted.
~~ Jane Austen, writer, d. July 18, 1817

Codeine . . . bourbon.
~~ Tallulah Bankhead, actress, d. December 12, 1968

How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
~~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, d. 1891

I can't sleep.
~~ James M. Barrie, author, d. 1937

Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy.
~~ Ethel Barrymore, actress, d. June 18, 1959

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
~~ John Barrymore, actor, d. May 29, 1942

I am ready to die for my Lord, that in my blood the Church may obtain liberty and peace.
~~ Thomas à Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, d.1170

Now comes the mystery.
~~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, d. March 8, 1887

Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
~~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, d. March 26, 1827

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957

~~ Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor, May 5, 1821

I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.
~~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702

Ah, that tastes nice. Thank you.
~~ Johannes Brahms, composer, d. April 3, 1897

Oh, I am not going to die, am I? He will not separate us, we have been so happy.
Spoken to her husband of 9 months, Rev. Arthur Nicholls.
~~ Charlotte Bronte, writer, d. March 31, 1855

In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.
~~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, d. June 28, 1861

Now I shall go to sleep. Goodnight.
~~ Lord George Byron, writer, d. 1824

Et tu, Brute?
~~ Gaius Julius Caesar, Roman Emperor, d. 44 BC

I am still alive!
Stabbed to death by his own guards - (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
~~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, d.41 AD

Don't let poor Nelly (his mistress, Nell Gwynne) starve.
~~ Charles II, King of England, d. 1685

Ay Jesus.
~~ Charles V, King of France, d. 1380

I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time.
~~ Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, writer, d. July 1, 1904

The earth is suffocating . . . Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won't be buried alive.
Dying of tuberculosis.
~~ Frederic Chopin, composer, d. October 16, 1849

I'm bored with it all.
Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~~ Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965

This time it will be a long one.
~~ Georges Clemenceau, French premier, d. 1929

I have tried so hard to do the right.
~~ Grover Cleveland, US President, d. 1908

That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.
~~ Lou Costello, comedian, d. March 3, 1959

Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow.
~~ Noel Coward, writer, d. 1973

Damn it . . . Don't you dare ask God to help me.
To her housekeeper, who had begun to pray aloud.
~~ Joan Crawford, actress, d. May 10, 1977

That was a great game of golf, fellers.
~~ Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby, singer / actor, d. October 14, 1977

I am not the least afraid to die.
~~ Charles Darwin, d. April 19, 1882

My God. What's happened?
~~ Diana (Spencer), Princess of Wales, d. August 31, 1997

I must go in, the fog is rising.
~~ Emily Dickinson, poet, d. 1886

Do you hear the rain? Do you hear the rain?
Minutes before her plane crashed.
~~ Jessica Dubroff, seven-year-old pilot, d. 1996

Adieu, mes amis. Je vais la gloire.
(Farewell, my friends! I go to glory!)
~~ Isadora Duncan, dancer, d. 1927

Please know that I am quite aware of the hazards. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others.
Last letter to her husband before her last flight.
KHAQQ calling Itasca. We must be on you, but cannot see you. Gas is running low.
Last radio communiqué before her disappearance.
~~ Amelia Earhart, d. 1937

It is very beautiful over there.
~~ Thomas Alva Edison, inventor, d. October 18, 1931

No, I shall not give in. I shall go on. I shall work to the end.
~~ Edward VII, King of England, d. 1910

All my possessions for a moment of time.
~~ Elizabeth I, Queen of England, d. 1603

I've never felt better.
~~ Douglas Fairbanks, Sr., actor, d. December 12, 1939

I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.
~~ Richard Feynman, physicist, d. 1988

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.
~~ Errol Flynn, actor, d. October 14, 1959

A dying man can do nothing easy.
~~ Benjamin Franklin, statesman, d. April 17, 1790

Come my little one, and give me your hand.
Spoken to his daughter, Ottilie.
~~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, writer, d. March 22, 1832

I know you have come to kill me. Shoot coward, you are only going to kill a man.
Facing his assassin, Mario Teran, a Bolivian soldier.
~~ Ernesto "Che" Guevara, d. October 9, 1967

Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy.
When asked if he thought dying was tough.
~~ Edmund Gwenn, actor, d. September 6, 1959

God will pardon me, that's his line of work.
~~ Heinrich Heine, poet, d. February 15, 1856

Turn up the lights, I don't want to go home in the dark.
~~ O. Henry (William Sidney Porter), writer, d. June 4, 1910

All is lost. Monks, monks, monks!
~~ Henry VIII, King of England, d. 1547

I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.
~~ Thomas Hobbes, writer, d. 1679

I see black light.
~~ Victor Hugo, writer, d. May 22, 1885

Oh, do not cry - be good children and we will all meet in heaven.
~~ Andrew Jackson, US President, d. 1845

Let us cross over the river and sit in the shade of the trees.
Killed in error by his own troops at the battle of Chancellorsville during the US Civil War.
~~ General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, d. 1863

Is it the Fourth?
~~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, d. July 4, 1826

Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.
From Luke 23:46
~~ Jesus Christ

Does nobody understand?
~~ James Joyce, writer, d. 1941

Why not? Yeah.
~~ Timothy Leary, d. May 31, 1996

Now I have finished with all earthly business, and high time too. Yes, yes, my dear child, now comes death.
~~ Franz Leher, composer, d. October 24, 1948

A King should die standing.
~~ Louis XVIII, King of France, d. 1824

Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?
~~ Louis XIV, King of France, d. 1715

I am a Queen, but I have not the power to move my arms.
~~ Louise, Queen of Prussia, d. 1820

Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers.
~~ Walter De La Mare, writer, d. 1956

Let's cool it brothers . . .
Spoken to his assassins, 3 men who shot him 16 times.
~~ Malcolm X, Black leader, d. 1966

Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
To his housekeeper, who urged him to tell her his last words so she could write them down for posterity.
~~ Karl Marx, revolutionary, d. 1883

Nothing matters. Nothing matters.
~~ Louis B. Mayer, film producer, d. October 29, 1957

It's all been very interesting.
~~ Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, writer, d. 1762

I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room.
~~ Eugene O'Neill, writer, d. November 27, 1953

Good-bye . . . why am I hemorrhaging?
~~ Boris Pasternak, writer, d. 1959

Get my swan costume ready.
~~ Anna Pavlova, ballerina, d. 1931

I am curious to see what happens in the next world to one who dies unshriven.
Giving his reasons for refusing to see a priest as he lay dying.
~~ Pietro Perugino, Italian painter, d. 1523

Lord help my poor soul.
~~ Edgar Allan Poe, writer, d. October 7, 1849

I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.
Spoken to his wife.
~~ James K. Polk, US President, d. 1849

Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms.
~~ Alexander Pope, writer, d. May 30, 1744

I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.
~~ François Rabelais, writer, d. 1553

I have a terrific headache.
He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
~~ Franklin Delano Roosevelt, US President, d. 1945

Put out the light.
~~ Theodore Roosevelt, US President, d. 1919

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864

Sister, you're trying to keep me alive as an old curiosity, but I'm done, I'm finished, I'm going to die.
Spoken to his nurse.
~~ George Bernard Shaw, playwright, d. November 2, 1950

I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record . . .
~~ Dylan Thomas, poet, d. 1953

Moose . . . Indian . . .
~~ Henry David Thoreau, writer, d. May 6, 1862

God bless... God damn.
~~ James Thurber, humorist, d. 1961

I feel here that this time they have succeeded.
~~ Leon Trotsky, Russian revolutionary, d. 1940

I love you Sarah. For all eternity, I love you.
Spoken to his wife.
~~ James K. Polk, US President, d. 1849

Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms.
~~ Alexander Pope, writer, d. May 30, 1744

I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.
~~ François Rabelais, writer, d. 1553

I have a terrific headache.
He died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
~~ Franklin Delano Roosevelt, US President, d. 1945

Put out the light.
~~ Theodore Roosevelt, US President, d. 1919

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864

Sister, you're trying to keep me alive as an old curiosity, but I'm done, I'm finished, I'm going to die.
Spoken to his nurse.
~~ George Bernard Shaw, playwright, d. November 2, 1950

I've had eighteen straight whiskies, I think that's the record . . .
~~ Dylan Thomas, poet, d. 1953

Moose . . . Indian . . .
~~ Henry David Thoreau, writer, d. May 6, 1862

God bless... God damn.
~~ James Thurber, humorist, d. 1961

I feel here that this time they have succeeded.
~~ Leon Trotsky, Russian revolutionary, d. 1940

Don't worry chief, it will be alright.
~~ Rudolph Valentino, actor, d. August 23, 1926

Woe is me. Me thinks I'm turning into a god.
~~ Vespasian, Roman Emperor, d. 79 AD

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
~~ Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1923

I have offended God and mankind because my work did not reach the quality it should have.
~~ Leonardo da Vinci, artist, d. 1519

I die hard but am not afraid to go.
~~ George Washington, US President, d. December 14, 1799

Go away. I'm all right.
~~ H. G. Wells, novelist, d. 1946

Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~~ Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900

I am ready.
~~ Woodrow Wilson, US President, d. 1924

Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!
~~ Florenz Ziegfeld, showman, d. July 22, 1932


Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.
Executed in electric chair in New York.
~~ George Appel, d. 1928

You are going to hurt me, please don't hurt me, just one more moment, I beg you!
~~ Madame du Barry, mistress of Louis XV, d. 1793

I am going to be face to face with Jesus now. . . . I love you all very much. I will see you all when you get there. . . . I will wait for you.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Karla Faye Tucker Brown, d. February 3, 1998

Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way.
Executed by firing squad.
~~ Erskine Childers, Irish patriot, d. November 24, 1922

Thank you for the change in my life you have given me, the love and closeness of my family and my beautiful daughter. Thank you for using me...
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ John Cockrum, d. September 30, 1997

You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother.
Executed in electric chair.
~~ Francis "Two Gun" Crowley, d. 1931

I'm going home, babe.
Executed by injection, Delaware.
~~ James Allen Red Dog, d. March 3, 1993

Remember, the death penalty is murder.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Robert Drew, d. August 2, 1994

Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life.
Last words on the gallows.
~~ George Engel
(He was one of four executed after the 1886 Haymarket bombing in Chicago)

I love you.
Spoken to the executioner.
Executed by injection, New York.
~~ Sean Flannagan, d. June 23, 1989

How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? French fries.
Executed in electric chair in Oklahoma.
~~ James French, d. 1966

I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Johnny Frank Garrett, Sr., d. February 11, 1992

Let's do it!
Executed by firing squad, Utah.
~~ Gary Gilmore, d. January 17, 1977

I'd rather be fishing.
Executed in electric chair, Louisiana.
~~ Jimmy Glass, d. June 12, 1987

Good people are always so sure they're right.
Executed at San Quentin.
~~ Barbara Graham, d. June 3, 1955

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.
Executed by injection, Oklahoma.
~~ Thomas J. Grasso, d. March 20, 1995

Lock and load. Let's do it.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ G. W. Green, d. November 12, 1991

You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.
Executed in California's gas chamber.
~~ Robert Alton Harris, d. April 21, 1992

It is the duty of every good officer to obey any orders given him by his commander-in-chief.
Shot by British as a spy.
~~ Nathan Hale, American hero, d. 1776

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
~~ Nathan Hale

I am innocent, innocent, innocent. Make no mistake about this. I owe society nothing. I am an innocent man and something very wrong is taking place tonight.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Lionel Herrera d. May 12, 1993

I don't hold any grudges. This is my doing. Sorry it happened.
Executed in electric chair, Indiana.
~~ Steven Judy, d. March 9, 1981

Such is Life
Executed by hanging.
~~ Ned Kelly, Australian bushranger, d. 1880

I love you, mom.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Clarence Lackey, d. May 20, 1997

Farewell, my children, forever. I go to your Father.
Executed by guillotine.
Monsieur, I beg your pardon.
Spoken to the executioner, after she stepped on his foot.
~~ Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, d. October 16, 1793

Today is a good day to die. I forgive all of you. I hope God does too.
Executed by injection, Texas.
~~ Mario Benjamin Murphy, d. September 17, 1997

Shoot me in the chest!
To his executioners.
~~Benito Mussolini, Italian dictator, d.1945

Shoot straight you bastards and don't make a mess of it!
Executed by firing squad.
~~ Harry Harbord "Breaker" Morant, Australian poet & national hero, d. 1902

Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you're screwing around.
Executed by hanging Leavenworth, Kansas.
~~ Carl Panzram, d. September 5, 1930

So the heart be right, it is no matter which way the head lieth.
Executed by beheading.
~~ Sir Walter Raleigh, d. October 29, 1618

Well, the Lord is going to get another one.
Executed in electric chair, Georgia.
~~ John Eldon Smith, d. December 15, 1983

Capital punishment: them without the capital get the punishment.
Executed in electric chair, Florida.
~~ John Spenkelink, d. May 25, 1979

Executed by injection in Maryland.
~~ John Thanos, d. May 16, 1994


And so I leave this world, where the heart must either break or turn to lead.
Suicide note.
~~ Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort, French writer, d. 1794

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances for her life will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
Suicide note.
~~ Kurt Cobain, musician, d. April 8, 1994

Goodbye, everybody!
Last words as he jumped off the cruise ship "Orizaba." (His body was never found.)
~~ Hart Crane, poet, d. April 27, 1932

To my friends: My work is done. Why wait?
Suicide note.
~~ George Eastman, inventor, d. March 14, 1932

Lets see if this will do it.
Accidental suicide as he shot himself with a blank-loaded pistol on the set of TV spy show "Cover Up." The concussion forced a chunk of his skull into his brain; he died six days later.
~~ Jon Erik Hexum, actor, d. October 18, 1984

All fled--all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire.
Suicide note.
~~ Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936

Don't worry, it's not loaded.
Suicide playing Russian roulette.
~~ Terry Kath, rock musician, d. January 23, 1978

They tried to get me - I got them first!
Suicide by drinking Lysol.
~~ Vachel Lindsay, poet, d. December 4, 1931

I must end it. There's no hope left. I'll be at peace. No one had anything to do with this. My decision totally.
Suicide note.
~~ Freddie Prinze, comedian, d. January 29, 1977

Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool - good luck.
Suicide note.
~~ George Sanders, British actor, d. April 25, 1972

When I am dead, and over me bright April
Shakes out her rain drenched hair,
Tho you should lean above me broken hearted,
I shall not care.
For I shall have peace.
As leafey trees are peaceful
When rain bends down the bough.
And I shall be more silent and cold hearted
Than you are now.
Suicide note to her lover who left her.
~~ Sara Teasdale, poet, d. 1933

To Harald, may God forgive you and forgive me too but I prefer to take my life away and our baby's before I bring him with shame or killing him, Lupe.
Suicide note.
~~ Lupe Velez, actress, d. December 13, 1944

The future is just old age and illness and pain.... I must have peace and this is the only way.
Suicide note.
~~ James Whale, film director, d. May 29, 1957

I feel certain that I'm going mad again. I feel we can't go thru another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices
Suicide note
~~ Virginia Woolf, author, d. March 28, 1941

Saturday, July 4, 2009

A Confusing Prayer for Me

Ever since I was a little girl, I would say this prayer before I went to bed.

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take"

I say this prayer every night, something my mother taught me, along with brushing your teeth, washing behind your ears, and wearing clean underwear every day.

What I want to know, is what if you die in your sleep, (Before you wake)and no one wants to take your soul?

Do you not die?

I am confused.

Friday, July 3, 2009


Happy 4th of July, to everyone from me and the striped cat!

Zager and Evans were right, they just had the year wrong


"In the year 3535
Ain't gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think, do, or say
Is in the pill you took today"

Like I said. Zager and Evans were right, they just got the year wrong.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Please help Bitter

You know how even though you read many blogs every day, there are the ones that are your absolute favorites that you must read every day or you just feel- lost? You miss, like an old worn out pair of slippers?

My Medicated Cartoon Life is one of those blogs for me. It's done by a real live honest to goodness animator- and it's-like reading the comics in your newspaper every day. A guilty pleasure, but highly enjoyable.

Bitter posted this the other day. Bitter suffers from depression, yes, but this one- this one touched my core. He is obviously in pain.....

Last week Liz Spikol asked her readers to pop by my blog and tell me how much they like me. I am paying it forward, asking my friends and readers to go to Bitter's blog and leave a nice compliment. Look at some of his drawings. He has a lot of talent. His drawings make you smile. And isn't smiling wonderful?
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