Anhedonia

Med cocktail got tweaked at my IOP program this morning. I am currently on seven different psych meds. The more I try to be med free, the more I get over medicated. I don't care anymore, I don't feel anything. I cried buckets yesterday over the death/suicide of Alexander McQueen, I wanted to blog about it, but right now I cannot. Fighting the urge to SI. Fighting the urge to go off into that good night. Just fighting. Fighting. I could go into the ring right now with Mike Tyson if I wanted to and kick his ass. Only I don't care. I don't care anymore, I am numb. I'm sorry, I want to write and cannot.

Here are two videos that seem to say what I cannot. Take care. Sorry about the edges, I cannot seem to get them proper.

Lou Reed-Caroline Says Part 2

Been trying to write all day, will let one of my all time favorite songs from one of my all time favorite albums "Berlin" by Lou Reed speak for me.

Bit of trivia, it's the only album I own as a record, an 8 track tape, a cassette and a CD.



ETA: I am not suicidal. Just empty and hollow.