The urge to take the blue pill

There's this thin blonde with long legs and an incredibly short mini skirt, five inch black Manolo's, and a Channel bag. The kind of woman that when ever she enters the room every eye turns on her, both male and female. The females all hate her because her clothes and her makeup and hair are impeccable. The men all want - well duh! (This is a G rated blog!)

The tall, dark, handsome, man comes up to her and offers her a drink. She takes it in her perfectly manicured hands. They lock eyes and make small talk. "I'm Elmer T. Fudd, Millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht." 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. 

It's seven am, my alarm clock interrupts my reverie. It's just as well, my beautiful dream was unfolding- what the heck? Elmer Fudd? 

Only in my dreams do I feel pretty and look the way I want to be. Thin and tall. With long legs, like a Rockette's. Men notice me, something that doesn't happen often. Since adolescence I've been cursed with always being the "cute, quirky best friend" of the female protagonist in all the chick lit books and movies. It's fine when you are in your twenties, but when you get older- you want something a bit more. To be top banana. Just once. 

I'm going more and more into dream world. It's safe there. I can be anything I want to be. The world is perfect. There aren't 7 million people crammed together on one planet, it's just me, my Prince Charming, a library in the castle, and of course, some cats and dogs. Everything is beautiful, and nobody gets hurt. 

I don't want to wake. 

I really hate my life right now. Hmm. Hate is a harsh word, let's restate. I dislike my life right now. I miss working, I miss being around people. I'm tired of being tired from the kidney meds and other meds I am on. I'm sleeping 16 hours a day. My brain feels like split pea soup. 

I  can't see a way out of my morass, despite the things I am trying to do to stay out of it. I am getting dressed every day. I do the little hygiene things, brush teeth, brush hair. Remember to shower every day, and wash hair every second. Under normal circumstances, these things make me feel better. Now they don't. I even go to an old standby- a long bath, and a scented candle. Nothing. 

Even a self manicure doesn't ameliorate, despite a beautiful new shade of polish. 

I don't have the energy to go to the gym, but I try to walk. My feet are like lead- I can barely move them. There is nothing physically wrong with them, it takes more energy to move them than I have. Something flickers in my mind- High School chemistry, energy required to move an inanimate object. 

I'm not comfortable being around people anymore. It takes too much effort to do something like smile. The art of desultory conversation is lost. I just want to be invisible. I long for my childhood dreams of being invisible and flying. I hate New Jersey. I can fly anywhere to get out of this hell, despite the fact I have an incredible fear of heights. Somehow in my flying dreams, this is not an issue. 

I know it's depression oriented. I know as I am getting older, my depressive episodes are getting worse and worse, each one a bit more lethal while I am under it. Mania hardly ever comes anymore, my last bit of mania was in February. I despair thinking that each episode will get worse. No silver lining. At least I have my dreams. 

I walk back from the supermarket across the street. Kitty food, and a Subway for dinner. It should be good, I have not eaten in over 24 hours. I feed the cat, change her box, give her some love, and some play. Put the sandwich in the fridge, I'm not that hungry, really. It will keep. I put my pj's back on, tie my hair up in a scrunchie, brush my teeth, wash my face. Back to bed. The sheets feel glorious. The electric blanket gets turned on. I turn out the light, and lie on my back, looking at the sun reflecting on the falling leaves from the bedroom window. The cat comes in and burrows next to me, her breath smelling like Fancy Feast fish. It's a little bit of heaven. I'm still blue, but I'm near dream land. And in my dreams I can be anything or anyone I want to be. It's not the right decision, but for now, it's the only one I want to make. 

Update again on Alison - partial victory?

This entry is guest-written by Adinah Caro-Greene

On Friday, Alison had a neurosurgical consult.  She actually has two aneurysms, and they are going to operate.  Of course, this is very scary, but on the other hand, it feels like a partial victory that they are even treating her medical problems at all.  Thank you all for your calls.

The hospital still refuses to communicate with me.  They just don't call me back at all.  I speak with Alison every day, and today, she said the staff took her food away.  She wants people to call her human rights advocate, Mark Seymour, 540-332-2149 and ask why her food is being taken away, and why she isn't treated humanely.  Mark Seymour has never picked up the phone for me, and never returned my messages.  So many dog-and-pony shows in the mental illness industry.

They will not let Alison sign a medical release, because her brother has her psychiatric POA, and her "friend" has her medical one.  Yet, neither the brother, nor the friend, attend any appointments with her, or even call or write with any frequency.  This is a nightmare.  What good is a POA if they just give doctors carte blanche and don't put any time or effort into respecting people's wishes? My next step, once I get Alison's consent, is going to be to try to have the court remove them, for gross negligence.

If we cannot get the brother or the friend to relinquish POA and appoint others who would respect Alison's autonomy, we may need to turn this into a media blitz, like the Shiavo story.  The normal routes are not going to work, and this kind of treatment needs to be stopped.  Not just for Alison, but for all of us who are psychiatrized, and even those of us who are not yet psychiatrized.  We may have won a small victory, but we haven't won the war.

Action Alert: Petition for Mental Health Systems Rights Advocate Alison Hymes

Western State Hospital, Virginia

Posted on November 6, 2011 by duanesherry| 

From Discover and Recover Blog. Used with permission. 

Alison Hymes has been a strong advocate for human rights in the mental health system.  She now faces the fight of her life.  Please take a moment to read the following petition and add your signature.

From Change.org

Dr. Jack Barber, Western State Hospital, Virginia: Safely Treat Alison Hymes’ Brain Aneurysm, Kidney Damage

VIRGINIA WOMAN’S KIDNEY AILMENTS AND BRAIN ANEURYSM IGNORED BY STATE HEALTH OFFICIALS

Woman in psychiatric hospital now suffers a brain aneurysm, is left untreated and neglected, to face death.

A Virginia woman was locked in irons and chains in August, and driven by state police to Western State Hospital, even though she is accused of no crime. A judge ruled then that Alison Hymes may be committed to the state hospital, citing a lack of insight regarding the amount of water she was drinking.

Doctors placed severe restrictions on her food and water and are treating her kidney disorder as a psychiatric condition.

Alison had a kidney transplant three years ago, after lithium toxicity caused renal failure. Psychiatrists refused to treat her kidney problems, and compounded the issue by prescribing Trilafon, a drug that has clear warnings about dangers to renal function. As a result, she has been having difficulty swallowing and has become physically weak.

A friend and advocate had a chilling prediction that may now prove to be true. “At best, Alison won’t receive any real medical care for her kidney problems,” said Tina, a friend of Alison’s and psychiatric advocate in New York said in August. “At worst, I know there is a very real probability that this confinement and lack of medical care will kill her.”

NOW it is even more urgent. A brain aneurysm has been discovered, and Alison still sits in a psychiatric ward. Her brain aneurysm could well be causing all of her psychiatric symptoms. If the aneurysm bursts, Hymes will suffer a stroke, and ALL of the psychiatric medications Alison is being given, cause an INCREASED RISK OF STROKE. Yet, Alison has been told that her brain aneurysm will not be treated. This is now a matter of life and death, for a woman with disability, perpetuated and caused by an institution that poses to help.

Her case highlights the failure of the Virginia medical system by continuing to ignore legitimate health problems and trying to mask them with psychiatric drugs that worsen her health and hasten her death.

Sign the Petition.

My note: If it seems like I am blogging a lot about Alison Hymes in the last few days, the reason is this. What is happening to her, could happen to anyone. There are a few things in life that really frosts my cupcakes, people who abuse animals, children, or seniors. And people who abuse or take advantage of other people. If anyone I know needs help, I want to help, as much as I can. I hope among hope, that Alison can be out and in a safe place for Thanksgiving. Alison has spent a good part of her life advocating for others. Now she needs help. I would do this willingly for anyone who is a friend or family, and that includes those who follow this blog. Thank you. 

Next Action Step

This post is guest-written by Adinah Caro-Greene
510.495.7608

Alison Hymes, who I wrote about a couple days ago, is having a CAT scan at UVA hospital today.  UVA is the same hospital which nearly killed Alison after they put her on psych drugs after a kidney transplant (when psychiatry destroyed her kidneys and bladder with longterm Lithium use).  The CAT scan is going to monitor the brain aueurysm.  Supposedly, Alison's aneurysm is too small to operate on.  However, WE STILL NEED to ask the doctors at Western State to take her OFF of the psych drugs which cause strokes. 

Alison's treating psychiatrist, Dr. Ann E. Walling has decided that Alison has signs of dementia.  This is patently false. When Alison is not on psychiatric drugs, she sounds sharp as a tack.  When on them, she does sound "out of it".  The logical thing to do, would be to help her taper off, right?  Well, this is psychiatry we're talking about.  Now her doctor wants to add Aricept to Alison's regimen.  Aricept is an Alzheimer's drug.  Fantastic, another drug for her weak system to process.

We still need people to call Jack Barber at:
540-332-8000 (switchboard) and demand why Alison's medical needs aren't being strongly considered.  She should be slowly tapered off the drugs, which she does not want to take, to reduce the risk of the aneurysm bursting and causing stroke.

IN ADDITION:
We need people to CALL Mark Seymour, Alison's Human Rights Advocate at Western State.  His number is 540.332-2149.  Ask why her doctors are refusing to let her sign a medical release for the hospital to talk directly with Alison's friend and advocate, Adinah Caro-Greene.  Insist that Alison be supported to sign that release.  Without the release, Alison's help is seriously blockaded.

This is a major issue.  Those of us with labels, if we're lucky, are going to age.  We are going to have a time when we need real, actual medical help.  This discrimination against the psychiatrically labeled is a threat to our quality of life.

Please circulate and post everywhere.

Alison Hymes' condition is serious! She now has a brain aneurysm.

The Friends and Supporters of Alison Hymes are reaching out to the media to bring light to her serious, life-threatening circumstances. Ms. Hymes spent years as a therapist and advocate for people with mental health issues, and she herself got caught up in the psychiatric system to her own detriment. We are asking for your assistance in bringing her story to the public in hopes of freeing her from Western State Hospital in Staunton, Virginia where she has been committed since August 2011. They are ignoring her dire medical needs and refusing to treat her brain aneurysm.

Thank you,


NOVEMBER 1, 2011

*

VIRGINIA WOMAN'S KIDNEY AILMENTS AND BRAIN ANEURYSM IGNORED BY STATE HEALTH OFFICIALS
*

Woman in psychiatric hospital now suffers a brain aneurysm, is left untreated and neglected, to face death
*

A Virginia woman was locked in irons and chains in August, and driven by state police to Western State Hospital, even though she is accused of no crime. A judge ruled then that Alison Hymes may be committed to the state hospital, citing a lack of insight regarding the amount of water she was drinking.
*

Doctors placed severe restrictions on her food and water and are treating her kidney disorder as a psychiatric condition.
*

Alison had a kidney transplant three years ago, after lithium toxicity caused renal failure. Psychiatrists refused to treat her kidney problems, and compounded the issue by prescribing Trilafon, a drug that has clear warnings about dangers to renal function. As a result, she has been having difficulty swallowing and has become physically weak.
*

A friend and advocate had a chilling prediction that may now prove to be true. "At best, Alison won't receive any real medical care for her kidney problems," said Tina, a friend of Alison's and psychiatric advocate in New York said in August. "At worst, I know there is a very real probability that this confinement and lack of medical care will kill her."
*

NOW it is even more urgent. A brain aneurysm has been discovered, and Alison still sits in a psychiatric ward. Her brain aneurysm could well be causing all of her psychiatric symptoms. If the aneurysm bursts, Hymes will suffer a stroke, and ALL of the psychiatric medications Alison is being given, cause an INCREASED RISK OF STROKE. Yet, Alison has been told that her brain aneurysm will not be treated. This is now a matter of life and death, for a woman with disability, perpetuated and caused by an institution that poses to help.
*

Her case highlights the failure of the Virginia medical system by continuing to ignore legitimate health problems and trying to mask them with psychiatric drugs that worsen her health and hasten her death.


(My note. Alison is a friend of mine, someone who helped me with my own issues of lithium toxicity and subsequent renal failure. She's an accomplished activist, and blogger.  She's not a faceless, human being out there in cyberspace. She is someone I am happy to know, and call her my friend. No one deserves what is happening to her. No one. Please help. 


Numbers to call:

• -Call the Western State Hospital Administrator, Dr. Jack Barber, at 540-332-8000. That is the switchboard for Western State.
• -Ask for Jack Barber’s office. Leave a message with his secretary if he is not available.
• -Demand to know why Alison’s very real medical brain disease (the aneurysm) is not being dealt with. Tell him we are watching, and we won’t stand for this.

Information is also at Gianna Kali's blog today as well.

IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS or QUESTIONS, please contact Adinah Caro-Greene at 510.495.7608.  She is coordinating this campaign.