I just want to sleep

I dont want to do anything else, jist sleep.


I am mot im crisis, my podc is aware. SHE thinks ir;s Seroqul withdral.

Getting off Seroquel

It continues to be heck as I get off this Seroquel. I;m sleeping 20 hour days!!!!!


I have a bowl of Corn Flakes and back to sleep. MY stomach feels funny,



And for the record-my parents would do anything for me, as well as other family members. I just want them to experience my life in my eyes for 24 hours. So I don't hear the various platitudes I hear. But I know they love me with every fibre of their being, as do I.


My mom has been a real doll. She knows I am too sick to drive, so shes been picking me up and taking me to the grocery store, docs appts, etc. etc.


Now,. a very nice Seroquel nap is calling me..

I cannot shake it

I cannot shake these blues. Everything was fine with the doctor yesterday. But I cannot sleep. Or I over sleep. I just want to sleep. What is going on?
Still can not eat, but got a full fridge thanks to my mother.


I just want to go to sleep for a while. I am sorry for my kind readers. I owe you a stellar piece.


I wish my brain would coopererate.

This time the depression is different

This time my depression is different. I cannot think, I am afraid of most things. Like driving.Easting. i have not eaten anything but milk in a week.

I cannot tell anyone I don';t want to go into the hospital.

I use to be so happy, things didn't n=bother me. Now I cannot even type. hunt and peck,


I spoke to my pdoc yesterday. Despite having a coffee cup that said "Seroquel" on it, she listened to me, All this is from the /geodon. Heart palpatatons and high blood pressure.

Sleep is a release.


I cannot sleep, I need to write. I cannot write,

Is this really life??

20 hours a week

Came back from the pdoc. Meds were adjusted, one removed because I said so and followed the advice of a sagacious person.

Back to 20 hours a sleep a day now.


Trying to come up with something good article wise as well. Stay with me kind people.

and now for something completely different.

I have to admit when I am blue some things just cheer me up. The little things that remind me of childhood. Watching half an hour of Spongebob Square Pants in my bunny slippers. A cup of hot chocolate in the wintertime, with little marshmallows. Playing in the snow. I really love this time of year.


One of my guilty TV pleasures is a British Comedy called
“Red Dwarf”, and another is an Adam Sandler comedy movies. Both these things take me away for a bit out of the present and into a funny place where I can laugh and feel safe.


So this weekend I rented the new Adam Sandler movie that just came out on DVD. A year ago.I had wanted to see it when it came out in theatres, but never got around to it. The story in a nutshell is nothing new, stressed man gets a universal remote control that makes him fast forward the boring parts of his life. Unfortunately, he also used it to fast forward the good parts of life, like the entire weekend, so he could work on a project and get that promotion. So while he is working in real time on the promotion, he is living his life on fast forward. Stick with me, the movie does work!

Of course there is the standard epiphany, straight out of something an angel like Clarence would give- Adam Sandler realizes he has fast forwarded 30 or 40 years of his adult life up to the moment when he dies. (you cannot fast forward that!). And he realizes he has missed out on his children growing up, his wife becoming dissatisfied and subsequently divorcing him. (In hindsight, maybe it’s a GOOD thing not to recall your divorce!).

His dying words to his son, who has become just like him, another work-aholic, is “Family comes first”.

Of course, there is a twist, and I don’t want to ruin this for anyone, but this movie, much like my favorite holiday movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”, is that something happens to you to show you that you really do have a good life and are valuable.

But believing it is another thing. And realizing that your family does come first again, is another thing.


Over the years I have whinged at psychiatrists, therapists and support groups that I wish I had an angel like Clarence who would show me I had a wonderful life. That every time I was on the brink of ending it all, Clarence would say “Sophy, don’t! You have a wonderful life!”

Have I?


This illness has robbed me of one thing- parts of my life. Like the Adam Sandler movie, I have chosen to fast forward when my life has gotten to hard for me to handle. My fast forward is called SLEEP. I have been guilty of hyper sleep, and when I don’t know what to do, I will seek the comfort of a good 4-hour nap. And by doing this, I believe I have slept more than the standard 1/3rd of my life away. I think I am up to a higher fraction. Maybe 40-45 percent. Life I cannot get back, life I have lost by not living it. Time I did not spend with my parents. Time I could have been doing volunteer work, going for walks to loose weight, reading or taking adult ed courses to keep my brain active. Even a second job when the money was tight. I chose the easy way out, by sleeping.

Don’t get me wrong. Sleep is important. But not when you don’t need it, not as a mean as escaping, not when it is taken over spending time with your family because you don’t want to.


One of the things mu ex husband has decided that is important, is once the meds help us feel better to take control of our lives, we MUST work on recovery. We cannot think the meds are going to do all the work. I am a member of AA- with a 10th anniversary sobriety date as of this past September. I know every day I must work at this, and recovery from my bipolar is just the same. I cannot wait for Clarence to stop me and say I have a wonderful life. I have to eliminate the middleman, and live it myself.

honesty

Thanks to all my new friends, this blog is getting heavily traffic-ed until the last two days.

I have to be honest, the timing was not good.

I had a biopsy last Thursday and find the results in 2 days.

It wasn't what you think it was for, it was bone marrow. Hurt like anything. Still does. I am sleeping about 20 hours a day and my well for this blog is dry dry dry.


I think of this blog all the time, but please forgive me. It's too painful to sit and write , and the pain has killed any creativity.

I;lll be back as soon as I am able.

hypersleep

This has never happened before. I am hypo sleeping, 20 hours a day. I don't wamt to be awake. I cannot write, I cannot tell you my last meal was. Is this normal?

I should be writing, all I want to do is sleep.

For this I am sorry.

high anxiety

Does anyone suffer from high anxiety? Not the movie, but the actual thing?

Can you give me any tips?


Thank you

depressed

I cannot sleeping. I;m too acutely depressed. My writing world is dry, and I cannot type from the lithium shakes.


I hope it pqasses//