If You're Going Through Hell Keep Going

Off The Pity Pot

2012-01-26T17:38:00.000-05:00

This morning when I woke up, I read what I wrote yesterday. It really upset me. I wanted to kick that person so much and say "wake up! snap out of it". I thought about something I learned in AA. I was on the "Pity Pot". This is not a good place to be. I wiped off the cobwebs, made myself a cup of coffee. Took care of feeding and watering the cat and cleaning her litter box. I sat down with

Winter in my soul

2012-01-25T11:46:00.000-05:00

I've noticed one thing that's been happening over the last two years. My agoraphobia is getting worse and worse. I can get out of my apartment one day a week, the rest- the other six days I am too afraid? fearful? anxious? to leave. It was never like this. I haven't seen my psychiatrist in a month. I haven't seen the state worker since Thanksgiving. I'm overwhelmed. No energy. It's like a

Solidarity with PIPA

2012-01-18T11:42:00.004-05:00

Today Wikipedia closed down. Google has a black box over it. Even my darling LOL Cats are with it. As a writer and blogger I have to agree with them. I had a post for today, but I am not putting it up. Instead, I am going to leave you all with some links from the Cheezeburger Network and their wonderful cats. From the Cheezeburger Network site: PIPA is a poorly envisioned Senate copyright

Annual Winter Cold

2012-01-09T18:29:00.000-05:00

I'm here. I'm truly amazed at all the kind comments I got on the last piece about New Year's Eve, and will get to writing back to them. I went out on NYE with my parents, came home about 9pm EST, and was asleep by 10ish. Thank you to Anonymous to gave me that really good piece of advice. Since then, I've been feeling poorly, sleeping way more than I want to but it's not from depression,

I Truly Hate New Year's Eve

2011-12-30T16:56:00.000-05:00

Nothing has changed in the ten years since I wrote this blog's most popular post, why I hate New Year's Eve. It's one of my most favorite pieces I ever wrote. That said, nothing but nothing has changed. I hate New Year's Eve more than anything. More than Brussels Sprouts. More than having a mammogram. I'd rather have a root canal than celebrate it. Nothing but nothing in my book is as bad as

Depression is a four letter word.

2011-12-22T23:13:00.000-05:00

from Bitter Animator Sometimes I think I must have come from another planet. I don't get people. Or rather- people don't get me. For example. On the phone with my best friend last night. I am telling him I had two real good days last week. Bought a new winter coat, since I don't have one in my size, some underwear and a killer pair of shoes. All from Santa! (He came early this year). I was

Holly the cat on holidays and writing for the TWIM blog

2011-12-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

Meow. Yes, it's me. My human, Susan is reading on the couch, so I thought I would get on line and say "Meowry Christmas" to all my friends on the computer. Personally, it was a frustrating year for me. I did not become a LOL cat. I did not meet Maru. I did get cans of Fancy Feast though, and much love from my human and her friends on line. So maybe next year I can become a LOL cat. And meet Maru

Rain-outside and in my heart

2011-12-07T19:21:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open, despite the three cups of coffee I had prior to getting in the car and being taken to my psychiatrist. All I can think about now, as I wait in her waiting room is how my bladder is filling. A very tall, handsome man comes in with a briefcase and a laptop. He sits down next to my mother and I, says hello, and opens the briefcase. I can see samples of

Psych Drugs and Foster Kids- Part Two and Three

2011-12-02T10:37:00.003-05:00

Again, last night, (December 1, 2011) Diane Saywer presented part two of her news report on foster children and psychological drugs. (ETA: Part three added after this post was published, and aired December 2,). Gianna Kali brings up one very good point in her blog. And of course this is exactly true and people like Jim Gottstein and the organization PsychRights has worked at passing

Psych Drugs and Foster Kids-ABC News November 30,2011

2011-12-01T07:26:00.000-05:00

Diane Sawyer reports on ABC Nightly News on the effect of psych drugs given to children in foster care.

The urge to take the blue pill

2011-11-30T18:40:00.000-05:00

There's this thin blonde with long legs and an incredibly short mini skirt, five inch black Manolo's, and a Channel bag. The kind of woman that when ever she enters the room every eye turns on her, both male and female. The females all hate her because her clothes and her makeup and hair are impeccable. The men all want - well duh! (This is a G rated blog!) The tall, dark, handsome, man comes up

Update again on Alison - partial victory?

2011-11-12T13:50:00.001-05:00

This entry is guest-written by Adinah Caro-Greene On Friday, Alison had a neurosurgical consult. She actually has two aneurysms, and they are going to operate. Of course, this is very scary, but on the other hand, it feels like a partial victory that they are even treating her medical problems at all. Thank you all for your calls. The hospital still refuses to communicate with me. They just

Action Alert: Petition for Mental Health Systems Rights Advocate Alison Hymes

2011-11-06T19:09:00.000-05:00

Western State Hospital, Virginia Posted on November 6, 2011 by duanesherry| From Discover and Recover Blog. Used with permission. Alison Hymes has been a strong advocate for human rights in the mental health system. She now faces the fight of her life. Please take a moment to read the following petition and add your signature.From Change.orgDr. Jack Barber, Western State Hospital, Virginia:

Next Action Step

2011-11-04T15:16:00.002-04:00

This post is guest-written by Adinah Caro-Greene 510.495.7608 Alison Hymes, who I wrote about a couple days ago, is having a CAT scan at UVA hospital today. UVA is the same hospital which nearly killed Alison after they put her on psych drugs after a kidney transplant (when psychiatry destroyed her kidneys and bladder with longterm Lithium use). The CAT scan is going to monitor the brain

Alison Hymes' condition is serious! She now has a brain aneurysm.

2011-11-02T12:19:00.003-04:00

The Friends and Supporters of Alison Hymes are reaching out to the media to bring light to her serious, life-threatening circumstances. Ms. Hymes spent years as a therapist and advocate for people with mental health issues, and she herself got caught up in the psychiatric system to her own detriment. We are asking for your assistance in bringing her story to the public in hopes of freeing her

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T10:45:00.003-04:00

I love Halloween! My friend Gianna Kali and I both decided to post this picture on our blogs today to celebrate the holiday and our mutual love of all things that are cat. The link to the Cheezeburger site is here. My cat, Holly is dressing up for the holiday. Here is a picture of her of what she should look like wearing her costume, but she refuses to wear it. She's either going as one of

On My 4th Blogging Anniversary

2011-10-24T12:48:00.002-04:00

Last week was my blogging anniversary. Four years. Amazing. Four years! I made a little cupcake for myself, and blew out the candle. Then, between bites of decadent chocolate and double chocolate frosting, along with a glass of ice cold milk, I thought about things I have learned since I started blogging. The mistakes I made. In other words, the good, the bad and the ugly. If I had to do it

Rerun:How I am staying alive while my brain is trying to kill me-part two

2011-10-17T20:05:00.000-04:00

(This is part two to a piece I wrote back in January 2010. I'm not in this place now, but I have a real bad cold and some problems with my kidney meds, so I thought I would re-run another oldie but a goodie. I repeat-I'm not suicidal. I'm ok.) So I am still in the same place as I was when I wrote the earlier piece, but I decided, let me sit down and write a "Bucket List", something to keep me

Rerun:How I Stayed Alive While My Brain Was Trying To Kill Me

2011-10-12T21:57:00.000-04:00

(I am working on two writing projects, and going through a blue patch. So I thought it would be time to repost an oldie but a goodie. This is an older piece, I am at present, sleeping seven hours a night, and not in the black place. This was originally written in January 2010) I am currently on two anti-depressants with black box warnings. And for the last three days, all I can think about is

For World Mental Health Day, On Finding Acceptance and Serenity

2011-10-10T09:12:00.001-04:00

When I first started blogging, I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I knew I had a story to tell, but then, doesn't everyone? I was frustrated and mad at the system, confused about diagnosis, and labels. I was trying to build my life back, one step at a time, one word at a time. I knew the following: I was diagnosed as "Manic Depressive" (later Bipolar) when I was 23. I never believed it. I

Loneliness and Loss

2011-10-08T18:34:00.000-04:00

Last week, a friend of mine left. He had stayed with Holly and I for a fortnight, staying with me while I detoxed off Tramadol. I was feeling very very depressed, and did not trust myself to be alone. So, in the manner of Lincoln's friends when he was in the same state, my friend stayed with me. I moved into a new apartment back in March, a much nicer apartment than my old one. Handicapped. I

For Mad Hatter's Day

2011-10-06T16:45:00.000-04:00

I want to thank Frank Blankenship over at Lunatic Fringe for this. I didn't know about Mad Hatter's Day and wanted to share this with my readers. Thank you Frank! Today is Mad Hatter Day. I stumbled across the following explanatory bit of information at Ari Rapkin’s website. His birthday is the day following Mad Hatter Day.MadHatterDay is a holiday in October. It fills the need for a second crazy

On Macs, Apple and Cats

2011-10-05T20:20:00.000-04:00

Steve Jobs is dead. The man who was the genius behind Apple, and gave me the best computers I ever had, a Preforma 575 bought in 1995, an iBook laptop bought ten years later, and a MacBook Pro bought in 2010. I own an iPhone and two ipods. I have an Apple sticker on my car's rear view window. I even managed to get my mother, father, sister, friends and even the Ex to join the cult of Mac.

Meet My Friend Miki Baker- The Award Winning Therapy Dog

2011-09-29T20:13:00.000-04:00

Miki Baker, the therapy dog I love dogs. I know it sounds silly, everyone thinks I'm a cat person but someday I would love to have a dog in my life. Until then, I have to content myself knowing a very special dog, Miki Baker, the therapy dog. Miki is a three year old Pomeranian and his human is Trish Baker, someone I am honored to call my friend. Miki is one of this year's winners of the AKC

Mental Disorders as Illustrated by Winnie the Pooh and his Friends

2011-09-25T08:28:00.001-04:00

This is sort of a dark and satirical take on mental disorders by Winnie the Pooh and Friends . The creator of these gifs is Matthew Wilkinson and you can view his web site here. Thank you Matthew! ETA: Click on pictures to animate.

Lost

2011-09-24T19:28:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in my psychiatrist's office. It's on the clock, in her waiting room are another four clients and one irate rep from Big Pharma, with lots of samples of Cymbalta. I have about 5 min plus another min or two to pay and re-schedule. It's going to go very fast. She looks at me. I'm trying to care about my appearance- I noticed she's referred to me as "disheveled" in the past. I've taken

On Cartman and Chronic Pain

2011-09-15T16:02:00.001-04:00

I haven't been able to sleep in over 24 hours. It's not a big deal, but for one thing. I'm in pain. Real pain. And other than crying into my pillow so my neighbor above me or on either sides can't hear me, I have no relief. I can't take anything other than Tylenol (which doesn't work for me) or Tramadol. I'm trying to get through the pain without taking one of those. I never really had pain

To Med or not To Med

2011-09-14T17:38:00.000-04:00

That's the question. The rub is- what is the correct answer? Dave Stein in his blog posted that question yesterday. I've been thinking about this long and hard, and I've come up with the conclusion. It depends on the individual. But this individual says no. See, I'm not a doctor, I'm not trained in pharmacology. All I can tell you is I've taken almost 40 different psychiatric drugs in my

Remembering 9-11

2011-09-11T11:13:00.000-04:00

For the husband who told his wife I love you one last time before his plane went down in a field, for the wife who stopped in the stairs to call her husband to say I will love you forever, for the mothers and fathers who kissed their kids goodbye the morning they died, for the policemen who rushed in with the firemen to help get others out only to die themselves, for the soldiers who fought back

Break the Silence on Mental Illness-September 24

2011-09-05T20:20:00.000-04:00

Today, Shock Girl tells us how we can break the silence on mental illness. Do your part to raise awareness. Please consider attending this important event, on September 24. Thank you. Hat tip to Nami Dearest

Encourage Yourself

2011-09-04T19:38:00.000-04:00

I want to thank Larry Drain at the Hopeworks Community for this one. Find the bright spots in life. Find the things that you do that work and do them more often. Emulate success. Nothing is a problem 100% of the time. Whatever you are doing when it is not a problem do more often. If a problem was solved how would you know? What would the video-tape of the solution look like? What can you

The 8th and 9th Step for both AA and Beepers

2011-08-31T10:08:00.000-04:00

When I quit drinking, doing the 8th and 9th steps was easy. All the people i upset with my drinking saw me sober up abd after a year or so when I finally started this step, all of them said "No biggie". Most of them said the only amends I needed to make was to stay on the path. No one took anything from me, only to give me adivce to "Pay it forward." They understood. My behavior was because of

Goodnight Irene

2011-08-30T15:11:00.000-04:00

It seems silly to write this, but Holly the cat and I are fine. Lots of flooding in my neck of the woods, but to be honest, I've been through hurricanes Gloria and Floyd and they were worse. It was Holly's first hurricane. She did not fair well, I am sad to report. The wind howling againt the windowpanes, upset her. Water came in through the windows, that bothered her. The thumderboomers made

On Hurricane Irene

2011-08-27T10:22:00.002-04:00

Thank you to my online friends who are worried about Holly (and her Human), with the more than likely hit of Hurricane Irene in this area. As I write this, the hurricane is due to hit, the sky is gray, and there is a soft wind blowing. Holly and I have our food for 5 days- bread, peanut butter, granola, lots of bottled water and 15 pounds of dry cat food. I have batteries in my radios, and

The Latest Psychiatric News in NJ (And My Thoughts About It)

2011-08-27T09:18:00.000-04:00

New Jersey Hospital for the Insane, Morristown, NJ, archival photo A lot has been happening to the psychiatric hospitals in New Jersey in the last couple of weeks. Here is a recap of what is going on. Trenton Has the Highest Incident Rate of NJ State Hospitals. Given the choice to close either Trenton or Hagerdorn, Governor Chris Christie announced his decision last month (July) to close

Tales From A Therapy Cat- On Helping My Human On Depression

2011-08-25T22:31:00.000-04:00

Meow! For those who are not regular readers of this blog- my name is Holly. I am a 12 year old tan tabby cat who lives with Susan. I am not trained as a therapy cat, but I take care of her and keep her alive. She adopted me when I was four, and considered unadoptable. I love her more than anything except when my head is in a bowl of tuna. My human is just starting to get out of her depression.

This time the depression is - laissez faire

2011-08-16T14:58:00.000-04:00

(Warning, may contain triggers) I can see the sun rise from my bed. I can see the sun set. Other than to walk to the toilet, or feed the cat, I don't want to leave my bed. I don't want to listen to the radio. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to talk to anyone on the phone, I don't want the sun to rise again. I don't want anything. I've just stopped caring. There's no joy, no despair, no

Mind Freedom Alert:Free Alison Hymes from Western State Hospital

2011-08-01T19:08:00.001-04:00

Free Alison Hymes from Western State Hospital by Frank Blankenship A short while back, Charlottesville Virginia resident Alison Hymes, long time mental health advocate and MindFreedom member, was declared incapacitated and committed to the psychiatric ward at the University of Virginia, UVA 5, for 30 days. Unlike most states that would require a court order to attain such a decision,

Sunday Funnies

2011-07-17T20:28:00.000-04:00

Because everyone should have a good laugh on a Sunday.

A Petition to NYT requesting an opportunity for Robert Whitaker to respond to Dr. Peter Kramer

2011-07-17T09:40:00.000-04:00

This is so unlike me. Last week, the New York Times published a piece by Dr. Peter Kramer, on antidepressants. Dr. Kramer is famous for writing two best sellers, "Listening to Prozac" and "On Depression", two books which I must say are in my own personal library. Today, the Old Gray Lady published a piece with people agreeing or disagreeing with the post by Dr. Kramer here. One of the people

On Depression-it's not sloth

2011-07-13T17:28:00.000-04:00

Every morning I make a cup of coffee and look at the window, and see neighbors walking to the bus stop to commute into the city, or getting into their cars to drive to work. I miss work. I miss feeling productive. I miss feeling like a real person. I miss interacting with people, and being able to have a wardrobe to wear to work, and an excuse to put on makeup every morning. Not working has made

New Antidepressant Induced Chronic Depression Has a Name: Tardive Dysphoria

2011-07-01T14:59:00.002-04:00

I love Gianna Kali. She really nailed it in today's post about now antidepressant-induced chronic depression has a name:Tardive Dysphoria. If you don't read Gianna, she is one of my favorite bloggers and one of the first five people that helped and influenced me when I was the new blogger on the block. I highly recommend her, she should be in everyone's RSS feeds. From Gianna's post. Robert

Remembering Clarence

2011-06-28T20:39:00.002-04:00

I'm a Jersey girl. I've lived in NJ since I was 8 months old. With the exception of other year of my life, I have lived in the Garden State my entire life. As much as I hate it here, I love it here. If you take the area around exit 13- and 13A of the turnpike (Newark, Elizabeth, think the opening montage from "The Sopranos") out of the equation, it's really a beautiful state. New Jersey has

Irish Lawyers Threaten Blogger Mom

2011-06-28T13:54:00.002-04:00

In this world, I cannot think of too many things worse than a parent loosing a child. In the great scheme of life, children outlive parents. It doesn't always work that way, and most parents I have read about never get over the shock of loosing their children, no matter how old their child is. Somehow it seems worse when the child, a teenager or young adult, for what ever reason takes their

Speechless

2011-06-20T23:13:00.002-04:00

I made it here but in a lot of pain. Bless you who showed up at Psych Out- the people who put it together and the ones who had the courage to speak. And to Mr. Robert Whitaker, who took time to talk to me without criticizing. I gained convince to keep on going through hell and staying alive, and the courage to keep on living by the remarkable people I met today. And Mr. Whitaker gave me the

I'm still here

2011-06-19T20:34:00.000-04:00

I'm still here. Between being so depressed I cannot get out of the bed, my Mac dying, and more problems with my health- I haven't been blogging. It's back to 18 hour days, asleep in tremedous pain. I am on meds for my kidneys, meds for my blood pressure, meds for my bladder, meds for pain. Meds for sleep. My kidneys aren't outputting like they should be and I sit on the toilet, tears in my eyes

Slump

2011-05-25T16:06:00.000-04:00

The world didn't come to an end this weekend. But my world continues to evolve into a downhill spiral. My agoraphobia is back with a vengeance. I cannot leave the apartment for love or money. I've left twice in the last fortnight- once to visit my parents and get blood work done. The other one was to go to the local grocery store, get a 25 lb bag of kitty litter, several 5 pound bags of kitty

My Miracle:Repost

2011-05-05T19:37:00.000-04:00

I normally do like this time of year. Autumn sounds so much nicer than fall. Watching the leaves fall in my part of the country is the most beautiful gift that Mother Nature provides. All the magnificent hues of reds, yellows, and oranges. But the leaves soon fall off the trees, withering, dying, reminding us of our own mortality as we watch children playing in the leaf piles. I watch the

This has nothing to do with mental health. Please save this cat

2011-05-05T13:44:00.003-04:00

Update: Precious was adopted today, Friday the 6th. It's a miracle. Thank you to all who reached out and helped to save the life of this cat. For those readers who have been blessed with the company of a dog or a cat, there is nothing like that. They give us so much love and happiness and ask nothing of us other than a warm bed to sleep in, food to eat and a litter box or walkies. Pets are

Rerun:Memories Of The Way I Was

2011-04-26T10:52:00.000-04:00

A year ago, when my parents sold the house my sister and I grew up in, and moved into one of those new Over 55 retirement communities that are being built up around here, my mother asked me to come over to the house she found somethings she would like me to have, and if I didn't want them, she would toss them. I went over the next day, where she handed me a large Macy's bag with my childhood

Hoppy Holidays

2011-04-23T17:55:00.000-04:00

Wishing everyone a very happy Easter and Passover holiday. May your families be happy and healthy, and everyone gets a chocolate bunny. Please keep in mind, should the stresses of being around your family be too great, remember these CBT techniques, stay in the moment, don't let people empower you, and of course, what always works for me- when all else fails, hug your pet, or eat chocolate.

Where I'm Calling From

2011-04-19T18:16:00.000-04:00

My father is dying. It could be weeks, months, or days or hours. We don't know. I have to admit, I am cringing every time the phone rings and I see their number on caller ID. Since September he has been going downhill. A year ago he was strong. He was the one who wheeled me in the hospital. He helped the nurses turn me over to change my bed. That man is gone. Since then he has dropped four

Thoughtful Thursday Time For a Cute Fix

2011-04-14T10:03:00.000-04:00

I will be spending most of the day with the urologist, to figure out why I am having problems urinating. Bladder and kidney tests, blood work, oh fun!! So to keep everyone happy- here is a new video with a cat and a dolphin. How can you not like it? The cat even looks identical to my cat- cept the cat on the video is a boy. It's a keeper. Enjoy! Back tomorrow.

IRE Award Winner- Robert Whitaker!

2011-04-13T14:38:00.001-04:00

Congratulations to Robert Whitaker, author of "Anatomy of an Epidemic", and 'Mad in America", for being one of the few recipients of a 2010 IRE award, winning the category of best book. This prestigious award, given to those in journalism was just announced, 430 journalists were considered for these awards. The awards, given by Investigative Reporters and Editors Inc. since 1979, recognize the

Psychiatry Tales or I don't want to go back on Cymbalta!

2011-04-12T20:43:00.001-04:00

I’m sitting in my psychiatrist’s office in an overstuffed beige wing chair. It reminds me of Archie Bunker’s chair. My mother is near me sitting on an overstuffed red pattern that reminds me of William Morris. I wish my mother wasn’t here. This is the downsize of my bout in November with shut kidneys and bladder- she is treating me like I am 16. It’s getting on every last nerve I have, and like

The most beautiful song I have ever heard.

2011-04-10T20:22:00.001-04:00

It's been a backslide weekend. I'm still sober... so it wasn't that kind of backslide. It was my health. I am having serious problems urinating again, and I woke up this morning with a rash that's oozing blood and pus over my entire chest. The weird thing is I am not depressed. Here's the reason. I couldn't sleep the other night, and had the radio on. And heard the most beautiful song I have

Rerun:On Suicidal Ideation

2011-04-05T10:44:00.000-04:00

Therese Bouchard of Beyond Blue had a gem earlier this month I must have missed. It was on Suicidal Ideation. I think I am the Queen of Suicidal Ideation. Right now I have my ibook on my lap, a razor next to me. I want to pick it up, go into the bathtub and play with it. What is stopping me from that? I am writing this, fast, furiously, hoping among hope I can stay busy until the feeling passes

Trying to write when it's impossible, a bit more about me

2011-04-04T07:33:00.004-04:00

Lately, my writing has been sh*t. I know that, and it upsets me. It seems that since November when my kidneys failed, it's been impossible to write due to illness, and now, impossible to write from depression. And it's not even depression. It's down and out suicidal despair. I've always been able to write when depressed. I've always been able to function at work- just getting through the day to

My latest depression-I feel like a bananafish

2011-04-03T10:53:00.000-04:00

It's been a strange weekend. Depression, anhedonia, unable to get out of bed, unable to eat. Thoughts getting blacker and blacker. I've been through this a million times. "Hello depression, my old friend". If I had to describe this attack of depression, I would say it's my Seymour Glass/bananafish depression. I cannot explain, but I always felt a kindred spirit to Seymour Glass, then his

April Fool's-Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction

2011-03-31T18:19:00.006-04:00

I've been waiting to share this on April Fool's Day. Only it's half an April Fool's. This is what every drug company should change their name to. The commercial is incredibly funny. The best part about the commercial, though, is that Butt Drugs is a real store, located in Corydon, Indiana; the kind of old-fashioned, small-town drug store that can rarely be found anymore. The store was founded

Updating Blogroll-Links needed

2011-03-29T12:38:00.001-04:00

I am in the process of revamping the blog, and need to update the blogrolls. If you are a blogger and would like to be added to my blog, please use the comments below or pm me at hollythecat at gmail I don't have to agree with the blogs on my blogroll, but I must like reading them. All I ask is that 1. The blogger has been blogging for at least three months 2. The blogger would consider adding

Remembering My Friend Kevin, Who Would Have been 31 Today

2011-03-28T18:40:00.000-04:00

I wrote this piece three years ago when my friend Kevin died. Today he would have been 31. I miss him terribly, and wanted to share this with my readers and friends. Peace to you Kevin, where ever you are. Monday night. It was past 11 o'clock, I was just watching the news, trying to wind down before I go to sleep. The phone rang. I would never get the phone after ten, but I noticed on caller ID

Rerun:Today is Respect Your Cat Day!

2011-03-28T18:27:00.000-04:00

Maximum people love to celebrate cat day, if we spend a day on our lovely cat then it will became beautiful. For this reason every year we celebrate Respect Your Cat Day on 28th March, so just pamper your sweet cats with loads 'n loads of love. Take some time out of your busy schedules and cuddle up these cute, furry creatures. Spend some time with your loving pets and make others do so too.

Update on Alison- She's Out!

2011-03-15T10:27:00.000-04:00

From Gianna Kali's blog this morning...This is an upate to let you all know that Alison Hymes was NOT sent to a long-term facility this morning. Our efforts were successful. I think this proves that when we all band together, we can fight the oppressive forces of psychiatry. Alison had very little family support, but she had the love and support of people whose lives she touched in Virginia, all

Action Needed Urgently. Please Help A Fellow Blogger

2011-03-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

This post is written by a friend of Alison Hymes, Tina. Please sign the petition here.We need to get behind our sister psychiatric survivor, Alison Hymes of Charlottesville, VA. I just got off the the phone with Alison, and she authorized me to share her information to get support and assistance.Alison is currently at Martha Jefferson Hospital. She had the independent psychiatric evaluation today

Bloody Hell

2011-03-06T15:04:00.000-05:00

Bloody Hell! I am angry. So angry I can taste it. I don’t get angry often, I cannot think of the last time I was this angry, honestly. Which is a newish emotion for me. When I first got out of the hospital, I was grateful to be alive. Every day was a blessing, and everything was wonderful. It was like when I first stopped drinking all those years ago, and I had my first

I've fallen and am struggling to get up

2011-02-28T18:29:00.000-05:00

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up I’m so blue. Blue Blue Blue. I can hardly live with myself, thank heaven for sleep. Sleeping 18 hours a day up until last week. Now it’s five if I am lucky. Extremes. It’s all about extremes. My body is slightly healing. My kidneys are back to normal, but it’s all about the bladder. Bladder isn’t working. It’s difficult. I have an urinary

Present and accounted for

2011-01-27T10:35:00.001-05:00

I'm still here. My Mac is in the shop so I am computerless. The routine is the same, endless doctor visits. I'm home now, reunited with my beloved cat. I still cannot walk unless I have a walker. I can barely move. I will be moving to another apartment I cannot handle the steps in my walk up. I hate moving, but I am happy about this move in March. If I stay in my old apartment, I will be totally

Calling Dr. Katz

2011-01-07T14:21:00.000-05:00

Why is it so much fun to satirize psychiatrists? Because by nature, they are easy to satirize. And as the best satirists of all time can tell you there is a grain of truth in what you satirize or it wouldn't be funny. Some of the lovable Viennese Head Thumpers have been Dr. Katz, Bob Newhart, and a wonderful sketch by Fry and Laurie. And now I would like to add another one to the pantheon. The

Recovery stories to give us hope.

2011-01-01T01:43:00.001-05:00

Recovery is possible, and something to try to achieve in this New Year. I want to thank Gianna Kali for this wonderful article. She lists some amazing people in it that are doing well on their road to recovery, and are inspiring. Thanks Gianna, for putting together this list! Recovery Stories:New stories are now added at the top of list so if you visit again they’ll be easy to findNEW

Rerun:Why I Hate New Year's Eve

2010-12-28T13:53:00.000-05:00

This piece was written several years ago....This does not indicate my state of mind at the moment, but is rather a glimpse of why I hate New Years Eve, especially if you are alone for it. New Years is a bad night for me. Part of me thinks of the old Barry Manilow song, "It's just another New Year's Eve/It's just a night like all the rest..." Part of me is feeling sad. Depressed. Wanting to put a

Teenage Nuts Is The New Cool

2010-12-25T11:16:00.000-05:00

I didn't write this, instead it's from Mind Freedom Virginia's blog, Lunatic Fringe. What strikes me as amazing, is why would anyone want to be be Bipolar? Because the media romanticizes it. Because this famous celebrity has it. If you want to see the unromantic, un glamorous side of bipolar, check out those who have it on my blogroll. It's not romantic, it's not glamorous, it destroys lives,

Merry Christmas, Belated Festivus

2010-12-24T01:54:00.003-05:00

I still believe in Santa. Yes, it's true. If I was home there would be home made warm home-made chocolate chip cookies for him tonight and carrots for the reindeer. In the spirit of the holiday, (as well as a belated Festivus), nothing beats tracking Santa on Norad. I've been doing this since 2005. It's a lot of fun, and a wonderful way to see all the places in the world I would someday like to

Trying to stay upbeat

2010-12-23T04:24:00.000-05:00

One of the things I am noticing after my near death experience is how precious life is. I will and hope I never forget the look on my mother's face when the doctor told her I was going to make it. I was practically unconscious at the time, but her smile is ingrained in my head. I recall how wonderful everything was. The smells, the people, being able to look out the window and see rain, and

Update On Lithium Toxicity (I hope this will clear up any confusion)

2010-12-21T07:31:00.000-05:00

There seems to be some miscommunication going around the blogosphere what caused my kidneys to fail. I fear I might have accidentally added to it. I saw the GP yesterday. Here is the official scoop, which I hope will end any confusion. The official result that was sent to the insurance company is from "Unknown Etymology". My GP told my mother he thinks it was from an over the counter pain pill

Saying Goodbye To My Support Group Hello To A New Kind of One

2010-12-21T06:26:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I sent a note to the President of my local support group who is also, as chance would have it, the President of the State chapter as well. As of January 1, 2011 I won't be on the board of either group and unable to facilitate. Seven years ago I started going to these meetings. And in all honesty, (since I've never been anything but honest in this blog) I haven't gotten much out

I'm back!

2010-12-19T22:28:00.001-05:00

I finally got wifi, and am able to get into my mail, and start blogging again proper! I'm still in a lot of pain, I've been rushed back to the hospital twice since my last post but fortunately didn't have to stay overnight. I am resting at my parents house walking with the help of a walker, since I cannot stand up or walk on my own, and I have a catheter since... well, we won't go there . I

They say in the darkest night

2010-12-10T19:39:00.001-05:00

I am writing this on my phone so I wlll be brief.I was rushed back to hospital Tuesday nite. The good news is my kidneys are getting stronger. The bad news is no one knows what is causing this pain I have on my side. I've been poked til I'm black and blue and my veins collapsed so I have a Pic line. I have an IV in my footI'm on a morphine drip for the pain and a Foley because my legs will not

No Heroics, Please

2010-12-06T11:46:00.002-05:00

If you haven't heard, I had been away in hospital for 15 days with my kidneys shutting down and urine poisoning in my blood. I've gone through transfusions, and dialysis, and now it's a long road home to recovery and getting my kidneys to start working again. I'm as frail as a new born lamb. I am so grateful for the phone calls, cards, wishes and prayers. It really helped during all the times I

Thank you

2010-11-10T21:30:00.000-05:00

Remembering those who fought for their countries, those who aren't here and those who are. My father is a veteran of WW II and I am so proud of him. He had just turned 18 when President Roosevelt called him to service for his country and he was sent from Brooklyn to Fort Bragg, and then overseas to Germany as a medic to help Germany recover/clean up from the war. He won't talk about it and he

Rerun:Some Early Thoughts on Anatomy of an Epidemic

2010-11-07T16:40:00.000-05:00

It's come to my attention that a lot of controversy has been generated lately by certain bloggers over Robert Whitaker's book Anatomy of an Epidemic. Let me put it this way. In my life time, I will rank it as one of the best non fiction books I have ever read, the other one being "And the Band Played On". I hope Mr. Whitaker's book does for the mental health movement what Shilt's book was able

On Halloween: 5 Emotional Vampires -- and How to Combat Them

2010-10-30T09:51:00.001-04:00

I want to thank my friend Therese Bouchard for this Halloween gem. I've met a few emotional vampires in my life too. I would rather have the ones from Twilight, no? Happy Halloween, to all. In the spirit of halloween, I thought you'd all appreciate some vampire talk. In her new book, "Emotional Freedom," UCLA psychiatrist Judith Orloff identifies five kinds of vampires that are lurking around

Lemons, Luck and Lemonade

2010-10-27T04:28:00.001-04:00

I wish I had written this, but I didn't. It was written by friend of mine, Sean, a fellow journalist and writer in Tacoma, Washington Many of the bpers I've met seem to fall into a few categories. Some: 1) embrace their illness and try to find the positive in it (turning lemons into lemonade) 2) try their best to live with it, despite the challenges (striving to turn lemons into lemonade,

Shocktober

2010-10-20T19:03:00.000-04:00

I am here. This last fortnight I have been running a fever of 100-101 every day. My joints hurt. The last two days I cannot move my legs or barely walk. I can barely get down the stairs in my apartment. I've been sleeping about 18 hours a day. When I am not sleeping I feel miserable. I haven't been on line. I haven't been reading, or writing, I just feel too ill to do that. On top of that my

Musings on Bipolar and Gastronomy from a Writer in South Africa

2010-10-11T09:38:00.001-04:00

I love Mary, who blogs at Letting Go, and writes about life in South Africa. I missed this gem last week, but it's worth reprinting for two reasons. First she writes about a meal she had at La Bulli, which was for years rated the best restaurant in the world. Then she muses on a book by David Healy that starts with the untimely death of Rebecca Riley, and wonders, which came first, the condition

I think I am way over due for a cute fix

2010-10-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

I am way over due for a cute fix. Something cute to take our minds off the world news, and just make you feel happy. Enjoy your weekend, and remember, somebunny, (Me) loves you.

A Brand New Blog Worth Reading

2010-10-08T16:46:00.000-04:00

I've been writing about old psychiatric hospitals the last few entries, for the same reason that Santayana said to recall history. So it's not repeated. So people when hospitalized won't suffer like our ancestors did. With that in mind, I am pleased to announce that long time activist Jonathan Dosick has started a blog, Civil Rights in Psychiatric Hospitals. I am breaking one of my cardinal

Guest Post: Understanding Through Reading 3 Must-Read Memoirs on Biopolar

2010-10-07T10:58:00.000-04:00

As anyone who has suffered bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or other related disorders knows, it's more difficult to live with than other illnesses because it affects you and everyone you know. While chronic physical disorders don't necessarily change your behavior, chemical imbalances in the brain make it a daily struggle to maintain healthy relationships because behavior

More Hell on Earth-Norwich Mental Hospital

2010-10-05T14:38:00.005-04:00

I have been trying for over a year to find this clip and put it on my blog. The best I can do is this Hulu Clip, it starts at the right counter, and it finishes at counter 31.11. From Life After People, Second Season, episode Crypt of Civilization. We need to know about these things so they will never happen again. I bring you Norwich Mental Hospital, otherwise known as Norwich State Hospital

More Hell On Earth-Greystone

2010-10-04T17:02:00.000-04:00

Over a year ago, I posted a pictorial piece on Trenton Psychiatric Hospital. SInce then the site has added photos of Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital otherwise known as New Jersey State Lunatic Asylum at Morristown (NJ). They are taken from the site Forgotten Photography. Greystone was closed down a few years ago thanks to Governor Codey, some of the buildings have been demolished, others lie

schadenfreude? Rewritten. Revised

2010-09-26T10:49:00.001-04:00

I was driving home from my parent's house and turned on the radio to get the weather report. Instead I got a minute of a talk show , the host on a rave about big pharma destroying our souls with their pills. I've always thought this guy was a jerk, but every now and then someone, anyone gets it. Even a radio personality who I have never agreed with can shoot a fish in a barrel once in his

Walking To California- Rerun

2010-09-15T06:26:00.000-04:00

(Susan's note- I have 3 outside writing projects due by Friday. This is one of my favorite pieces, especially right after the anniversary of September 11 - It's worth a rerun. I hope you enjoy!) This is too much. One month ago, I was sent home from work, on a leave of absence. The company said they would let me be out for up to six months , no worries. I was Working for a company based in

Depression Like Peaches? Or To Drink or Not To Drink?

2010-09-14T13:45:00.001-04:00

The last two months have been almost unbearable, impossible to write. Impossible to breathe, impossible to do anything other than sleep. Just sleep. But even in sleep there is no refuge. I dream of nothing but peaches. Peaches are in season. I smell them, I can taste them, I crave them. Yet I have no energy to get out of the bed, I am afraid to leave the apartment to purchase them. And yet, this

Watching TV, Family and other Musings

2010-09-13T20:29:00.002-04:00

I have to admit when I am blue some things just cheer me up. The little things that remind me of childhood. Watching half an hour of Spongebob Square Pants in my bunny slippers. A cup of hot chocolate in the wintertime, with little marshmallows. Playing in the snow. I really love this time of year. One of my guilty TV pleasures is a British Comedy called “Red Dwarf”, and another is an Adam

Suicide Prevention Day, In Memoriam

2010-09-10T13:28:00.001-04:00

September 10 is World Wide Suicide Prevention Day. Anyone who has read my blog knows I have attempted five times. It is by sheer serendipity that I am here, each method I picked was very lethal and it's just a matter of luck I was found in time or miscalculated horribly. I've known and lost many friends to suicide, the two that haunt me is my friend Kevin who I have dedicated this blog to, and

My bottom with depression. I've hit it.

2010-09-09T11:44:00.000-04:00

From a personal letter sent this morning to a very good friend. I tried yesterday and this morning to get rid of the fruit flies that came from not taking the trash out for 3 days during the heat. I cleaned and sprayed and sprayed again but they are still there. I don't know what to do. They don't bite or anything but they are annoying. Going back to bed. I should go to Stop and Shop but I

I'm still here. Back to writing full force next week

2010-09-02T17:19:00.001-04:00

I'm still here. It's been a rough month for me, family issues, and an extreme bout of suicidal despair the worst I have had since December 02. Back then I had ECT. This time I kept to myself, not telling anyone how badly I felt and purposely stayed off the internet not to write about my despair. I was too depressed to write. The end of August is also a rough time for me, something horrible

Psychiatric Patients' Advocates Sue New Jersey

2010-08-04T06:58:00.005-04:00

From the New York Times- August 4, 2010- Patient advocates filed a federal lawsuit on Tuesday charging that New Jersey psychiatric hospitals routinely medicate patients against their will without a review by an outside arbiter, a practice that is banned in most other states. Twenty-nine states require a judge’s ruling for involuntary medication, according to the suit, including New York,

What is given, is also taken away

2010-08-02T19:36:00.003-04:00

I am doing much better. With the new air conditioning, I am actually sleeping, right now only five hours a day but it's better than what I have been getting. The mania is receding on it's on like I knew it would, once I could sleep. Things are getting slowly better. And of course the bad - the very bad, while I am getting stronger again, my dad is getting frail. In the last week he can no

mania-and a week to ten days hiatus

2010-07-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

Dearest Readers, I look at so many of you as family, it hurts to write this. As of now, I've flipped into mania. Real bad. Cannot sleep, and some real bad side effects..... won't go into now.....pdoc worried, friends in real life worried, hospital has been called I am fighting going in cause I don't wanna go, no one will take care of kitteh, but if I don't go in in the next few days voluntarily